This is a transcript of an interview with Robin Gibb conducted by www.dads-space.com, a service helping separated fathers communicate with their children. The full interview will be uploaded on to this website this month.

Quotes from interview with Robin Gibb on Dads Space

Emotionally, you tend to feel like swings and roundabouts; you don’t know what you want to do. You want to take action. You want to take action on your own, you want to take action with lawyers, you want to do this, you want to do that; you feel out of control.

I think that “out of control” is the first emotion that alienated parents feel when they’re separated from their kids. They feel threatened. They feel as if they are not dictating the course of events, someone else is, so it is very, very hard.

This is a very emotional period and this takes a while to settle down and see the wood for the trees. I think that once you let go of that emotional thing, things happen that become positive.

I became a father at a very early age by comparison to a lot of men – I was 22 years old when Spencer my first boy was born and I was in LA at the time, because in… this was about 1972 – it wasn’t always the thing… it was just… at the dawn of the time when men were supposed to be in surgery watching the child being born. But I was on the plane straight back… and he was premature. He was in an incubator …

I remember seeing him for the first time. It’s an incredible feeling actually producing life and having a child for the first time. And at 22 – I was still a bit of a kid myself. It kinda made me grow up a bit.

I think what you have to do… is that you’ve got to be a friend to your kids and you’ve got to be always there for them and I think more so when you are separated. I think you become more valuable as a father and friend once you’ve been separated. Because there are other people who come into the family structure that may be seen as father-figures – and so therefore you’re competing with that as well.

I think that’s what a lot of fathers can’t deal with as well – that there might be someone else at home who might be a father to the kids, who may spend more time with them and might replace them. In my case that did not happen. I feared it – but it didn’t happen. I’ve always been dad and we’ve always had a very close relationship.

And I think you’ve got to be first and foremost got to be a friend, a confidante to your kids. And not say… dictating too much, disciplinarian and always on their back… but a friend and a confidante – that’s the most important thing.

When I first saw my children afterwards I took them to pantomimes and things like that in Windsor, the usual quality moments, museums, all the things that parents do with kids to try and look for quality bonding moments.

The feeling I had when I first knew I was going to see them was great anticipation, very, very nervous; what would they think of me? Would they see me as Dad and how would their views be formed of me and what’s my role with them. You’re starting from a different reference point. I think a lot of parents go through this; you feel like a stranger with your own kids.

With those nerves that I had about seeing them, I turned them into “well, why don’t I just treat myself as a guy who’s getting to know some other people, like a friend and turn them into friends?” which is what I did, and I think, after a while I gained their respect and their friendship, which is probably something maybe I wouldn’t have had if we’d stayed together.

I think it developed into something more meaningful. All I know is that I was horrified at the time because I hadn’t seen them for a while. I think that any parent who’s going to see their kids after a long, long time is going to feel this, and it’s quite normal. You get over it. It’s just a moment in time but it is very, very nerve wracking.

The full video interview can be found on Dads Space, which launches at the end of May

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