A pig, a prize and some porkies

Last week at the Hay Festival Will Self was awarded the Wodehouse Prize for comic fiction for his novel The Butt. Usually, the prize comes with a Gloucestershire Old Spot pig. But, it was said, an outbreak of bluetongue virus kept the pig away. A video of a pig was shown instead.

This may have been a cover-up.

There may have been a pig-napping.

It’s a complicated story. A printing mistake in the festival brochure meant that Self’s victory was, in fact, announced before that of the shortlist. Julian Gough, author of Jude: Level 1 (also shortlisted), was incensed. “I asked myself,” he says, “what would Bertie Wooster do?” So, he claims, he nicked the pig. And then he sent a video of himself doing so to organisers, demanding that the prize go to Alan Bennett, also on the shortlist. No dice, no pig.

Gough is now threatening to return the pig “sausage by sausage”.

Meanwhile, organisers of the Hay-on-Wye festival insist that none of this is true. “Will Self’s pig is safe and secure in a secret location,” declares a spokesman. Who is telling porkies?

— Cunning bookish types at the Hay Festival asked Jeremy Clarkson about his 186mph speeding ticket while testing a Bugatti Veyron for Top Gear. “Somebody did. It might not have been me,” he answered, cunningly. Later, undettered, they tried a different tack: “How fast had he ever driven?” “On a public road? 186mph.” Doh!

— Boris Johnson is still a jolly serious chap, but the old joker seems to be starting to peek through the mask. At London mayoral question time last week, he declared that “wonderful high-rises” planned for Croydon would be splendid “adornments” to the area. We expect an apology as soon as somebody twigs.

Woolworths has scrapped plans for Wills ’n’ Kate wedding souvenirs. The original designs, which leaked out in 2006, were widely credited with helping to bring about the couple’s temporary break-up last year. “It is something we were ready for in 2006, but time has moved on,” says a spokesman, without specifically mentioning the Prince’s hairline at all.

Chewbacca is campaigning to erect a statue of Darth Vader in Bristol. Peter Mayhew, who played the Wookiee in the Star Wars movies, has joined the campaign to honour Dave Prowse, the Bristolian who played Vader, with a statue in the Cabot Circus shopping centre.

Or as Chewie might say: “Waaghagh.”

Hurrah! An advance copy of John Prescott’s autobiography, Prezza, My Story : Pulling No Punches. His wife, Pauline, is thanked in the acknowledgements. “She’s had a lot to put up with,” he writes. Later, he tells of his proudest moment. “Marrying the most beautiful girl in the world. Well, in Chester, anyway.” Old charmer.

Sharon Stone, (pictured) who has suggested that the recent Chinese earthquake was due to “bad karma” over Tibet. “They are not being nice to the Dalai Lama, who is a good friend of mine,” she explained, cleverly.

Postscript

— Despite a well-received first night in the West End premier of Neil LaBute’s Fat Pig, Robert Webb came off stage a little stressed. “I’m off for one photo and then I’m going for a cigarette, or else I’m going to kill someone,” he told People, sounding not unlike his Peep Show character.

— Sean “Diddy” Combs says he has been in Cannes training how to be a film star. “I studied the great ones. I observed them as they walked the red carpet and dealt with interviews – you know, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Clint Eastwood and Gwyneth Paltrow.” All you need to be a film star, then.

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