He sings and dances, but could he lead Labour?

Ed Balls just cannot wait for the call from Desert Island Discs. The Schools Secretary is hosting his own one-man show featuring the “music, readings and reminiscences” that made him the man he is.

Parishioners at St John the Baptist Church in Aylmerton, Norfolk, will be the first to test-drive the performance, which Mr Balls has confidently titled With Great Pleasure, on Friday. Tickets are still available for what the publicity claims will be a “personal insight into the life of a high-powered politician”.

The promoter of the show is one Michael Balls, Ed’s father and the organiser of the Aylmerton Festival, who is hoping to raise cash for the church. “Last year we raised about £600,” he tells People. Can his son’s gig improve on this modest sum?

Lest anyone confuse “an audience with Ed Balls” with the first stirrings of a Labour Party leadership challenge, Pa Balls promises that the evening will be entirely free of political content.

Still not queueing for tickets? OK then, a Prezza-style fish-and-chip supper (see below) has been booked, which will be doled out at half-time. It is Friday, after all.

— London Games Festival is just around the corner so we were delighted to receive an invitation to the grand opening of Hide and Seek, “the UK’s first festival of social games and playful experiences”. But didn’t the organisers rather give the game away when they let slip in their covering note that the Hide and Seek winners will be revealed at the Clore Ballroom at the Southbank Centre? Not much hiding now. Hide and Seek is on June 26-29.

— Jason Bonham, who took his late father John’s role on drums at last year’s Led Zeppelin reunion, has produced a Motty-worthy simile: “It was like the penalty shoot-out at the World Cup, but you’re taking every one,” he told Musician. “I had to shoot 16 times and get the goal every time.”

Moving on to metaphors, Bonham would like another crack. “I managed to pull Excalibur out of the stone and, for a short period, I carried the sword, but then I was told, ‘No, no, put it back in the stone now’.”

— The love affair between John Prescott and fish and chips could be over after Gordon Ramsay helped the heavyweight to serve his family a meal of fishcakes with anchovy dressing for The F Word, screened on Channel 4 tonight. “Now and then [I] can have fish and chips, but I’ll keep balanced about these things,” promised Prezza. But will the famous bulimia sufferer stick to his healthy new diet? “You just have to stop, it’s discipline.” The same goes for punching voters, no doubt.

— One positive side-effect of soaring fuel prices in Wiltshire is that Pete Doherty’s Jag has been forced off-road. The singer’s 3.6 litre XJ6 Sovereign does just 20 miles to the gallon. “It’s p***ing him off in a big way,” says a Pete pal. Doherty refuses to drive a hybrid. “He’s a wild man of rock, after all,” says the friend

Game, set and sense of humour

The Face: Tim Henman

You’ll see me in a different light,” promised Tim Henman as the vessel for so many dashed Wimbledon hopes started his new career as a BBC tennis commentator.

“People will be surprised to learn that I’ve got a sense of humour.”

It was certainly no fun when Henman brought the nation to the brink of hysteria each summer before a rain interruption or muscle twinge deflated the bubble.

“Tiger Tim” was mocked as a Home Counties hero who lacked the convulsive anger of his grand- slam-winning rivals; he will now share a commentary box with John McEnroe, the erudite three-times Wimbledon champion who displays no qualms about dissecting the failings of the latest great British hope.

Henman, recognising that the burden of national expectation had passed to Andy Murray, wasted little time in quitting the tennis-playing scene.

The 33-year-old father of three now does the school run, plays golf and admits that he rarely feels the urge to pick up a racket, even in fun. “I am so busy doing nothing,” he tells Radio Times.

With Wimbledon watchers only now beginning to appreciate the service that Henman gallantly performed for British tennis, he is expected to use his BBC platform gently to dampen expectations of Murray joy.

Postscript

Is David Beckham trying to emulate Frasier Crane? According to the San Francisco Chronicle, he has joined the Napa Valley Reserve. No, it is not a part-time outfit of bored office workers playing soldiers at weekends, but an “institute of higher education for vintners and friends of vintners”.

— Clocking the barnet of Gene Gallagher, the son of the Oasis frontman Liam, it’s clear that the hairstyles of our leading mods and rockers are formed in the womb. Now we hear about Paul Weller’s youngest. “My youngest lad is about 3, but he just naturally has a ‘mod’ haircut”, Weller tells The Word. “You wash it and dry it, and it’s just there. Brilliant! You always hope you can pass something good on to your kid.”

— A warning to BBC commissioners from Matthew Horne, star of the award-winning comedy Gavin & Stacey, on the inevitability of a third series. “It’s inevitable if you’re the BBC, but if you’re James [Horden] and Ruth [Jones] who write it, they have to be sure that they’ve got a story and it’s a good one and it’s going to improve on the last series,” Horne tells Virgin Radio. “There’s no point doing something that’s of a lower quality than what’s gone before, otherwise you’re going out on a low and I think it’s important to be mindful of that.” But think about the ratings.

Got a story to tell? people@thetimes.co.uk

Explore UK News

• Crime News

• Education News

• Health News

• Science News

• Scotland News

Times Recommends

• Donor organ allowed child’s own heart to heal
• Michael Jackson: Not the final chapter
• Brüno toned down for 15 rating