Bad news for dairy farmers. The government has decided that they should not be allowed to wander around strangling badgers or gassing them. Instead they will have to rely on the traditional method of culling – to beat the animals over the head with a shovel and leave them by the side of a road in the hope people will believe they’ve been killed by a car. This ruse has served farmers well for almost 100 years – so why stop now?

After a 10-year study, the government has concluded that the spread of bovine tuberculosis is not down to these animals after all. The connection existed only in the minds of the farmers and the NFU, both of which have an antipathy towards any creature that cannot be turned into deep-fried crispy nuggets or burgers. Even if it were proven that badgers spread bovine TB, it would hardly be the badgers’ fault – the key, I reckon, is in the name of the disease.

With luck, we’ll hear no more such propaganda and the farmers can get back to chiding us all about sheep worrying. (Incidentally, how do you worry sheep? Tell them Coldplay have split up.)

Two boys at a state school near Stoke-on-Trent were given detention because they refused to pray to Allah, as instructed by their idiotic teacher during a lesson. The boys were only 11 or 12 years old, so the bravery of their disobedience is to be heartily applauded. Can you imagine the outcry if a Muslim kid was instructed to recite from the Talmud, on pain of punishment? It is possible that by now Stoke-on-Trent would no longer exist . . .

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