WHEN the Prince of Wales told his mother at Sandringham that he was finally to marry Camilla Parker Bowles, her reply was not what he was expecting.

While she made no objection to the union, she made it clear that if he was going to get married in a civil ceremony, and not a church, she would not be there.

The Times has learnt that the Queen would not have gone to the civil ceremony even if it had been held, as originally planned, in one of the gloriously appointed state rooms at Windsor Castle, rather than the local town hall.

If Her Majesty’s absence was a surprise, eyebrows may be raised over one name that is on the list for the blessing with the Archbishop of Canterbury. Andrew Parker Bowles, who was married to the future Duchess of Cornwall for almost 25 years, will attend with his second wife, Rosemary.

As for the Queen, who the couple wanted to witness their exchange of vows was a matter for them. Where they took their vows was a matter for her.

Whatever the Queen’s private view of Mrs Parker Bowles — the only question which mattered to her was her duty as head of the Church of England and Defender of the Faith.

The Queen, as she has done throughout her reign, took the decision as monarch rather than as a mother. There were even erroneous reports that Her Majesty had uttered the phrase “common” in reference to the hastily rearranged venue for the marriage of the Prince of Wales and Camilla Parker Bowles on Friday, April 8.

But she concluded that it would be inappropriate to attend a civil ceremony, wherever it was held, because it would be devoid of any religious content or symbolism.

The civil ceremony, she regards as no more than a contract, a technical event, which does not require her presence. By contrast the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh were both present at the second marriage of the Princess Royal, to Commander Timothy Laurence, in December 1992. The wedding, significantly, took place in a church on the Queen’s Balmoral estate in Scotland.

The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh will instead take their customary place in the second row pew in the 14th-century St George’s Chapel, the burial place of ten sovereigns, for the service of prayer and dedication.

Prince Charles knew from experience that when the Queen has made her mind up there is no going back. His fears that it would be seen as a snub, and that the monarch disapproved of the marriage, was proved right in some quarters. “We knew this was coming,” said one senior aide to the Prince of Wales. “We could have gone to a church in Scotland but we thought that would be seen as running away, fleeing over the border. We did not want that.”

The reporting of the Queen’s absence from the exchanging of the vows came only days after the ceremony was moved from Windsor Castle. There was a danger that the semi-state occasion was turning into a laughing stock.

It was an unnamed senior official within Clarence House who advised Sir Michael Peat, the Principal Private Secretary, that Windsor Castle could secure a special exemption to prevent mere commoners applying to marry in the Queen’s favourite residence. The advice was wrong and, in the days of the Prince’s ancestors, the culprit would now be in the Tower. But the Prince of Wales is aware that the fuss was as nothing compared to the howls of protest that would have greeted any announcement of marriage to Mrs Parker Bowles even five years ago.

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