Even when it comes to conspiracy theories, it seems the British are disappointingly conservative. The nation's most popular cover-up is the well-worn suspicion that the US uses a secret military base known as Area 51 to investigate aliens, according to a survey released today.

Nearly half of us, it is claimed, believe this is true. Which would be alarming if it wasn't so conventional. The same applies to the other top theories: that 9/11 was orchestrated by the US Government, the Apollo moon landings were a hoax; Diana, Princess of Wales was murdered; and the Illuminati and Masons are trying to take over the world.

Utter nonsense, of course, but tiresomely familiar nonsense too. Surely conspiracy theories should be about not following the crowd?

As to the the 17 per cent who believe Scientologists control Hollywood, surely this is too plausible to count as a conspiracy theory?

It does get better. Coming in at number 8 is the belief that Microsoft is sending messages through Wingdings. This stems from the fact that "NYC", rendered in the comedy font, becames a skull and crossbones, a Star of David and a thumbs up. Now this is the kind of slightly sinister silliness that makes a top-class conspiracy theory. Cue crazed internet outrage.

Just ahead of this is the idea that barcodes are a subtle form of mind control. I'm not quite sure how this is supposed to work. But maybe that's because I've been spending too much time at the cash register.

Bringing up the rear is David Icke's magnificently barmy idea that shape-shifting giant lizards control the world. This is so preposterous that only three per cent of even this very credulous survey sample would admit to believing it.

We can do better than this. Here are Times Online's top ten conspiracy theories.

But which ones have we forgotten? Or, to get into the spirit of things, which ones have been deliberately hidden from us? Your comments, please.

1) Jesus had a child by Mary Magdalene, who was the ancestor of the Merovingian kings

This one has it all - sex, power, millennia of intrigue and a vast cover-up by an all-powerful, world-spanning organisation. Well done, The Da Vinci Code. Even though Dan Brown's dialogue is as wooden as Pinocchio and Gepetto talking shop, the book sold tens of millions of copies because so many people are desperate to believe that the Church has been lying to us for centuries.

2) Aliens built the pyramids

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