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They are the kind of observations that have occurred to thousands of visitors to London as they dash off a few words to the folks back home: London is a city of soaring costs, endless rain, poor food and weekend rowdiness.
Yet Luisa de Carvajal's description of life in the capital has come to light more than 400 years after she jotted down her thoughts for friends and relatives in Spain and Flanders.
Having lain in a Madrid convent, the notes have been translated into English for the first time by Glyn Redworth, a senior lecturer in history at the University of Manchester.
In 150 letters, Carvajal, who died in 1614 aged 48, paints an image of England in the 17th century with astonishing attention to detail. Her descriptions are a treasure trove for historians of Britain's social, religious and economic past.
“The food looks good,” she writes, “but has no smell and almost no taste.” At a time when London was a warren of timber-framed buildings and 200,000 inhabitants were crammed into little more than a square mile, she complains of rowdy neighbours: “At times they grind me down with the noise that comes through the wall where I sleep. All you hear is the sound of meat being roasted and others cooking, eating, playing, and drinking. On Fridays it gets worse.”
Compared with Spain, England is an unsophisticated, even barbaric country and she is shocked to discover that at least 25 thieves went to the London gallows every month - “even though some are children of ten or eleven”.
She is disgusted by the city's lack of sanitation, observing that - with endless bouts of plague - “England had more pestilences than Egypt” and is horrified to see carrots being transported in carts that, the day before, had carried plague victims.
Carvajal, a noblewoman who was brought to England in 1605 by English Jesuits, risked her life in the pursuit of martyrdom for the Roman Catholic cause. She distributed banned books, provided a hiding place for priests, and secretly exhumed the body parts of martyrs to send as relics to Spain.
Dr Redworth will include the letters in a major study for Oxford University Press: The She-Apostle: The Extraordinary Life and Death of Luisa de Carvajal, which is published this week.
LEAN PICKINGS
Luisa de Carvajal on English cooking:
“The food looks good, but has no smell and almost no taste and is not very nourishing. You can't keep it, even in winter, for four whole days without it going off. Since they sell things in pieces and not by weight, you are obliged to buy more than you need for a small household. They get round this by roasting things and keeping them as cold meats or by putting them in pastry”
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It's dirty and lawless. The food's terrible.
Glad to see that nothing's changed.
Jessica, London,
"It's filthy and violent and the food's awful"
For a moment, I thought you were referring to my local in New Cross in the 1970s!!
clive, caracas, venezuela
Yes, yes, but what was London like in 1605 ?
slade wallis, Retford, Great Britain
The more things change, the more they stay the same. That said, you either love it or you hate it, and I for one think London's a great place.
Julian, Twickenham, UK
The only difference between then and now is that we have got a bit more civilised and moved forward a bit in the evolution chain. The lawliness, the violence, the terrible food is all still there. I wonder what the name for a chav was in those days?
kim, london,
Perhaps you should all wait and read the book before casting judgment?
And remember that her letters were written with a specific audience in mind.
Jenni, Manchester,
I suppose she was a very dour person with a dismal outlook on life. But, if you had to look at that face in the mirror every day of your life, how would you feel?
brian keating, agde, france
I don't get it - why is everyone so against London? I moved here 2 years ago from the beautiful Sydney, and I have only great things to say about London. No matter who you are, what you do, how you dress or what you think, in London there is a place for you. Where else in the world does that apply?
Jess, London, UK
So, no change there then!
Walter Wall, Amsterdam, NL
So nothing's changed much!
Graham, St. Albans, uk
Somethings never change...
Allegra, London,
The big picture hasn't changed really.
Andreas , Cyprus,
Nobelwoman?!?!? (See the 'Times Recommends' for this on the front page.)
Calista , cambridge,
I agree with David, ship the backwards preachers off home! That would help cut taxes as they all have about 10 ktds each all sponging off the state.
Mark, Leeds,
How odd...excluding the corpses and carrots observation it read similar to an email I sent friends only March this year whilst passing through London. Fortunately I enjoyed the beer, pies and bonhomie.
Shane, Freomantle, Australia
Yeap, this is a very conservative place.
Fabio C, London, uk
She was the agent of an enemy power - both church and state and no doubt looked down on the English as hethens. Could her obserations be concidered balanced.
Mike Shea, Nagoya, Japan
David, Edinburgh:
You reveal an amazingly partisan, religious-centred view of 17thC history. Within Europe, Britain truly was a brutish, cultural backwater. And Britain's religious biggots did plenty of torturing and stake-burning of both catholics and protestants according to who was in power.
Jim McLaughlin, Calgary, Canada
so she obviously was not a beer and pie girl on a friday night.
sasha, melbourne, australia
David, they were all as bad as each other, the 'English reformation' was forced on the people by the use of torture, fines, punishments and the gallows. Many thousands of Englishmen and women died for being Catholics. Just look at what happened in the West country or in the North of England.
Mark Jones, Cardiff, Wales
I'm sure she wouldn't have felt welcome in England, being the agent of an unenlightened regime inflicting torture on anyone who disagreed with their narrow minded and outdated religious views. Perhaps this is how we should make Saudi trained clerics feel when they come to Britain.Then they might go.
David, Edinburgh, U.K.