Julia Hobson is a thoroughly modern mum. She has been strict with her children from the day they were born. “My husband and I both worked full-time, which meant the girls had to fit in with our routine. Feeding and sleeping times were fixed from the start. It wasn’t easy to impose them — we sometimes had to leave our child to cry — but it’s paid off.”

Her girls are now three and five, and she can take them anywhere. “They know how to behave and they know there will be trouble if they don’t.”

Hobson, 40, from Sussex, has often watched in horror as her more liberal, old-fashioned friends have given their children free rein.

“I cannot understand why some parents will take their children out to a restaurant for lunch and let them run around. It is dangerous and disruptive for everybody else. My girls have to sit properly at the table and eat their food nicely. If they cannot behave, I take them outside. I certainly never let them run riot.”

A generation of parents has been learning the hard way that pampered children really can become spoilt — as in go off, turn bad, become as rotten as old fruit.

For years they have been politely inquiring of their offspring, what brand of cereal would you prefer? Would you rather wear shoes or sneakers? No coat in the freezing weather? No problem, we’ll just pre-heat the car.

Not any more. The late 20th-century vogue for over-indulgent parenting is becoming as dated as flower power. The modern method is far more brisk: do as I say, and at the double.

In America, the backlash of boot-camp parenting is in full swing. Bestselling books on childcare warn mothers and fathers against humouring their children. Too much coddling and emphasis on building self-esteem has led perfectly ordinary children to behave like prima donnas who believe their unique talents entitle them to boss about their parents.

By the time they emerge into the adult world and discover that, far from being special, they have to struggle at work and relationships, it is too late to turn back the clock.

Dr Perry Buffington, a Florida psychologist, has no truck with the outmoded 1990s notion of parents as friends. “In those days, we were just a few voices in the wilderness saying there will be serious problems if parents keep trying to buy their children’s affections.”

Today he finds his message is finally getting through. “You must be the general of your household,” he says. “For parents to be effective, they must be leaders, exerting responsible power over their children.”

In his book, Cheap Psychological Tricks for Parents, Buffington recommends parents start as they mean to go on. “One of my favourite tricks begins at birth. Watch how you name your child. Don’t be trendy,” he advises. “I strongly recommend choosing the name of someone who means a great deal to you, such as Grandfather Joe or Aunt Mary. You’ll inculcate the values you respected in them in your child.”

Natalie Elliott has two children, a boy of six and a girl of seven. She agrees you need to set the tone from the start.

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