Everything that touches Princess Diana ends up resembling a zoo and yesterday was no exception. It was a long day of plot and counter plot. The day began with some semblance of dignity but descended into chaos.

“Is this normal? Is this normal?” Mohamed Al Fayed barked as he told us bits about his conspiracy theory that Prince Philip got M16 to murder his son Dodi and the Princess. I felt like shouting back: “No, this is not normal!”

The great thing about conspiracies is how many you can see if you try. We gathered in the morning for the Paget Inquiry press conference at the Queen Elizabeth II Centre (do not rule out the idea that the location’s name is part of a plot against Diana). The 200 hacks included women in leopardskin and men in bow ties. Tina Brown, the former editrix of Vanity Fair, wore leather. But the most glamorous people in the room were those working for Mr Al Fayed. These included the charismatic barrister Michael Mansfield, whose Lion King hair sweeps behind him. I watched as Mohamed’s press man Michael Cole greeted a journalist by bending down to kiss her hand. No, this was not normal.

It was, nonetheless, the sanest moment of the day. But, even here, in the presence of way too many police officers, there was an undercurrent of madness. We were there to question Lord Stevens on the release of his 832-page report. The only problem? There was no report. That would be given to us only after the press conference. Lord Stevens kept saying: “Please, please, read the whole report!” Yes, well, we would if we could. Was it a plot to stop hard questions? I think, almost certainly, it was.

Lord Stevens’s performance was forensically dignified as he explained why there was no conspiracy to murder. When asked about Mr Al Fayed’s view that the report was “garbage,” Lord Stevens merely said: “I have seen Mr Al Fayed on a number of occasions. He is a grieving parent and he is entitled to say what he has.”

Well, you just try stopping him, is all I can say. Mr Al Fayed immediately called his own snap press conference. As I snatched a quick lunch in between, the news broke that Tony Blair had been interviewed by police in the cash-for-peerages row. There was immediate speculation that it was no coincidence that this happened on a day when Diana would dominate the news. Was it a plot? I think that, almost certainly, it was.

Off we rushed to Harrods, fighting the Christmas crowds until we got to a small horseshoe shaped room. There were no windows and one door, guarded by people in uniforms. It felt like we were in a submarine and that we were going down, down, down.

The press conference started without Mohamed (there was a rumour that he would not appear and it was all a conspiracy to get us there). Michael Cole filled the time with ease with his memories of Dodi and Diana. He believes she was pregnant. “There was a little something inside of her making her glow,” he noted.

After 45 minutes Mohamed arrived and began emitting verbal bomblets. The report was “garbage”. The police were “gangsters”. Others, I forget who, were “terrorists”. Lots of people were MI6 agents. “I am the only person who knew the truth,” he cried. What did he think of Lord Stevens calling him a “grieving parent”? He saw this as an attempt to brand him as crazy. Why would he do that? “Because he himself is a mental case!” cried Mr Al Fayed.

At this Mr Cole intervened. “There are no flies on him,” he said of Mr Al Fayed. “He can speak in four languages.”

The day ended in confusion.

Was it all a plot to make us think that it was all a plot?

I think, almost certainly, yes.

Explore UK News

• Crime News

• Education News

• Health News

• Scotland News

Times Recommends

• Milk: do we need a dairy godmother?
• DIY: the women doing it for themselves
• First double portrait of Princes unveiled