“ZAC” is a 24-year-old accounts clerk. He lives in Lancashire where his Pakistani wife, who is also his cousin, is expecting their first child.

“I’m happy being gay,” he said. “I love being with a guy. It feels so good; but at the same time I’m conscious that my main purpose on this Earth is to worship Allah. I think that fear of Allah keeps me in check. I believe Islam is a perfect, pure, simple religion. It’s us humans that make it complicated.

“It’s hard work being a gay Muslim. I don’t see them as two separate things. It’s not like when I’m in the mosque I’m a Muslim, and when I’m in bed with a guy I’m gay. I’m always gay and I’m always a Muslim.

“I’m waiting for my child to be born before I start living again. I don’t want to stress my wife out while she’s pregnant.

“My marriage was arranged. I was totally against the idea and protested for ages, but my parents thought it would make me straight. I told them it wouldn’t be fair on my wife, it would ruin her life; but they just thought about family honour. ‘What if auntie so-and-so found out? No one will want to marry your brother or sister.’

“They put a lot of pressure on me, a lot of lectures. I felt threatened. The thought of honour killings entered my mind. I still feel once I start going out again they may try to have me killed.

“My wife’s Pakistani. She’s a normal girl. She lived with her parents and brothers and sisters. She was studying, happily living her life until she got uprooted. It was my parents’ idea to get us married and her parents didn’t think twice because they trusted us.

“She first found out about me after reading my texts on my secret phone. She confronted me that night and I told her I’d explain everything the next day. I told her everything. I felt really close to her at that time. It was such a relief to be able to talk to her.

“Somehow I ended up coming across as if I wanted to be helped to become straight. She was up for that, but then she realised I didn’t want to be straight.

“Now we hardly talk. We have a sex life but I’m not comfortable with it. I don’t know if I feel sorry for her or maybe I’m bisexual. I’d much rather be with my boyfriend.

“I actually like being married. I care about my wife. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I start going out again. I really hope she doesn’t do anything serious. I’m looking forward to being a dad and I hope I’ll be able to stick around for my child, but I do think I might end up having to leave home. I really hope it doesn’t come to that though.”

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