THE motto of the Sundays is that everyone has clay feet and that they must be tickled. “More than 30 years after her death, Enid Blyton has been portrayed as a vindictive, scheming adulteress who set out to destroy her former husband,” cackled The Sunday Telegraph.

Ida Crowe, 84, kept sprightly by a healthy dose of venom, was married to Hugh Pollock, Blyton’s first husband, and “has used her memoirs to break her public silence on her feelings towards Blyton, whom she portrays as cold, distant and malevolent. Crowe says that during her first marriage Blyton embarked on a string of affairs, including a suspected lesbian liaison.”

Miss Crowe, a Mills and Boon novelist with more than 200 titles to her name, told the newspaper she had “struggled long and hard with this legacy” before deciding to go to print.

Though Miss Blyton was somewhat naughty — like her most famous character — picking up men at bridge evenings, she showed a selfishness so practised that it is almost admirable. Miss Crowe revealed that the first time she spoke to the creator of Noddy was when Mr Pollock was hit by shrapnel on a firing range during the war.

Miss Blyton’s response to the request that she visit him? “Oh, but I couldn’t possibly come to Dorking! You see, I’m absolutely no good in a sickroom and I hate hospitals. If he’s going to be ill for some time, could you let me know how he gets on?” Miss Blyton also used her influence apparently to ensure that Mr Pollock, a publisher, could not get work because, according to her rival, “she didn’t want her former husband to be found occupying a prominent position in London publishing”. He was bankrupted.

Bullying boys and ghastly girls

THE worst charge that could be flung at the Blyton oeuvre is that the Famous Five series is unrealistic: children are not good-natured. And a Glasgow Caledonian University study found that we are more ghastly than we thought. “More than half the children said they had punched or tried to strangle their siblings in the previous year, with girls behaving as badly as boys. More minor forms of violence, such as slapping and shoving, have been used by 80 per cent.”

In 5 per cent of cases, siblings said they had threatened their brother or sister with a knife, and 3 per cent claimed to have done so with a gun”, The Sunday Times said, reporting on an academic study.

Proving that academics haven’t a clue about the subtleties of social interaction, a researcher said: “We had no idea the level of sibling violence would be so high.”

How Ulrika kept her eye on the footballers

THERE is a statistically significant chance that you have had advanced Swedish lessons with Ulrika Jonsson. Well, this is the impression given by the tabloids.

The Sunday Mirror unearthed the anonymous footballer – featured in Miss Jonsson’s autobiography – with whom she had an affair. She and Les Ferdinand, the Spurs player, who “refused to talk about the affair”, allegedly had a two-month fling.

There was also a hue and cry over the identity of the man she claimed raped her in 1988 when she was training to be a weathergirl. The Mail on Sunday claimed the man’s identity was “an open secret in showbusiness circles” and confronted the suspect at his Home Counties address. “The handsome star drew a deep breath when told he had been linked to the attack. After a few seconds’ pause, he said through the intercom in a low voice: ‘I have absolutely no comment.’ The villain is . . .”. (His name was withheld on the advice, presumably, of the paper’s lawyers).

The News of the World meanwhile alleged that a lawyer for Stan Collymore was trying to sell a video of the footballer practising his Swedish on Miss Jonsson (“There’ll be plenty of nudity”). However, the paper wrote primly that it had no intention of buying it.

I'm no bimbo, says Deayton lover

ANGUS DEAYTON is back in the headlines. Stacy Herbert, a woman with whom the TV presenter had a long affair revealed in May, gave a front-page interview to the Sunday Mirror. “I never wanted to talk about Angus but I have been portrayed as some cheap fling. I can’t bear to be portrayed as some bimbo,” she said.

A toast (or 2½) to your health

Ale and hearty: “Specialists at King’s College and St Thomas’ Hospital found intake of silicon, a mineral absorbed by plants, especially by wheat and barley, can be linked to bone strength,” reported The Sunday Telegraph. And beer is one of the richest sources of silicon in the modern diet: two and half a pints will keep those bones healthy enough to carry your heavy, beer-bellied frame.

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