The comedy actor Chris Langham broke down in the witness box today at Maidstone Crown Court and claimed that he was sexually abused as a child.

Mr Langham, who is accused of downloading child pornography and sexually abusing an underage girl, wept as he denied being a paedophile.

His voice quivered as he recalled being raped by a man while on a sailing trip away from his parents on Lake Ontario in Canada, where he grew up.

Asked by Judge Philip Statman to elaborate, Mr Langham said: "I was eight. My parents had moved to Canada when I was five. I was quite a frightened child. I got beaten up all the time because I spoke with an English accent.

“We stayed in a tent and this guy – I don’t remember his name – I remember he had red hair... The thing I can’t get out of my head is lying in bed with him with his arm around me and him telling me I had done well and me having two thoughts in my head. I had done well because he liked me. My second thought was a deep, deep shame that I would do that to be liked.

“A slut, for a kind word, is what I am. I have always despised myself for my approval-seeking.”

Mr Langham accused the police of trawling for allegations to throw at him.

Referring to his arrest by police for looking at child porn on the internet, he said: "They had me on a plate because I said I did it, but they weren’t happy. They wanted to convict me on the basis I had an abnormal interest in children, that I’m a paedophile, and I’m not."

At this point the Bafta award-winning actor's voice became very shaky. He continued: "That part of the crime is a life sentence and that is the part of the crime I did not do.

"I have to stand up and tell you the truth but I will not stand here and admit a crime I didn’t commit.

"I’d like to make it clear I am not taking the crime I committed lightly. I did it in an arrogant way, I know who I am. I know who I am. And I did a very arrogant thing to not think that the law applied to me."

His defence counsel, David Whitehouse, QC, asked him: "The prosecution say you are a paedophile because you paid for child pornography sites in 1997, 1999 and 2002."

Mr Langham replied that he had never seen any child pornography on the site he had paid for. He said: "I never saw anything that gave me any concerns." He also said: "I’ve looked at pornography sites for years. I look at a lot of porn, I’m afraid it doesn’t make me look good but I’ve done it for years."

He continued: "My sense of my own sexuality is that I’m rather depressingly normal for a man of my age."

In about January 2005, he said he came across an indecent film of a child while searching for adult pornography. He said: "I opened it and it was not particularly vicious, but it was still a child. I closed it and I was very shaken by it.

"I talked to my wife about it. I’m one of the children in the photographs. That’s the problem I have with it. I don’t know how to react to it."

His lawyer has told the court that his client downloaded some images while researching a character in Help, the BBC comedy drama about a psychotherapist and his patients which Mr Langham co-wrote.

Later, laughter was heard in court as the jury was shown an episode of Help.

Mr Langham explained that Help introduced a character called Pedro in order to explore the stance society should take against paedophiles. He and his barrister read out dialogue from draft scripts.

The actor said that he had looked at the child pornography to help him to understand the character and his world. "I know about the world of being at the receiving end of a paedophile but I don’t know about paedophilia, the networks, the slang, what does the room look like," he told the court.

He claimed that when he accessed the indecent pictures he had only been able to bear to watch a few seconds at a time. "My heart started beating, my mouth went dry and I started feeling sick. I tried to think what was the connection that made me go there."

He went on: "I have no sexual interest in children, I have children myself. I find them (the images) very upsetting. To me it was like putting my face in a chainsaw. I had to get out.

"I did it on four occasions and had I not been arrested, I probably would have done it again."

His lawyer asked him why he returned to view the images, Mr Langham replied: "Because it’s an issue in my life. It was horrible."

Earlier this week Paul Whitehouse, the Fast Show star who was his writing partner on Help, told the court that he and Mr Langham had not discussed researching child pornography for the show.

The prosecution has also told the court that Mr Langham, a married father-of-two, groomed and then sexually abused a 14-year-old girl.

Before the hearing resumed today, the jurors were directed to find Mr Langham not guilty of four offences of indecent assault. It is understood that, after lengthy legal submissions yesterday by Mr Langham's defence team and by prosecutors, the charges had been found legally to be time-expired under the terms of a House of Lords ruling.

Legal experts said that it was not unusual for the charge sheet against a defendant to be altered mid-trial once the full extent of the prosecution case had been heard.

Mr Langham, 58, of Golford, near Cranbrook, Kent, denies 15 counts relating to child pornography, six of indecent assault and two of serious sexual assault on an underage girl.

The trial continues.

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