Chris Langham watched footage of child pornography on his computer while his own children slept near by, a court was told yesterday.

The comedy actor admitted downloading images of children being tortured but entered a plea of “not guilty” because he did not want to be labelled a paedophile, a jury at Maidstone Crown Court was told.

Mr Langham, who is accused of downloading child pornography and sexually abusing an underage girl, was also asked if he was putting on an act for the jury after he shouted and collapsed into his seat in the witness box while under cross-examination.

Richard Barraclough, QC, for the prosecution, suggested that the actor seemed to be crying but shed no tears. “They are genuine outbursts, are they? Because we know you are an actor.” Mr Langham responded: “Yes, they are genuine outbursts. I’m running on empty . . . I can barely string two cogent thoughts together.”

Mr Barraclough suggested that Mr Langham’s stated reason for downloading child pornography – to jar his memories of having been abused as a child so that he could write about them for a television show – was “pseudo-psychobabble”. He said: “You weren’t doing it for research but for your own personal motives.”

Mr Langham replied: “It’s to do with solving a long-standing psychological problem.”

The actor said that he identified with the children in the downloaded footage because he was also sexually abused as a child.

“Those kids are the only brothers and sisters I have,” he said. “It means something to me.

“I in no way celebrate or take pleasure in or approve of the treatment these children were put through. I’m interested in it because it touches something in me that I was beginning to get a handle on.”

The prosecutor asked why Mr Langham’s colleagues who worked with him on Help, a comedy series about a therapist and his patients, were not aware that he was researching characters by downloading child pornography. The actor said: “I’m ashamed of it. I’m ashamed of being a victim of abuse.”

The actor admitted that he never told his wife that he had downloaded child pornography. He said: “I was aware of the fact it was illegal and I did it anyway.”

Asked if he was a sick man, he replied: “I would describe myself as a human being, a work in progress, as we all are.”

Mr Langham agreed that he took out a $4.99 subscription to an American website that featured women being raped, but said violence against women did not sexually arouse him. He said: “I’m fascinated by what people do and I’m fascinated by people tying each other up and doing weird sexual things to each other. I think it’s interesting.”

He denied a suggestion by the prosecution that he was seeking to blacken the name of the 25-year-old woman – who cannot be identified for legal reasons – who claims that Mr Langham groomed her for sex from the age of 14.

The trial continues.

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