An edited version of the victim impact statement given by Linda Bowman,
Sally Anne’s mother, and read to the court before Mark Dixie was sentenced:
On the September 24, 2005, at 6.05pm I kissed and cuddled my little girl Sally
Anne, we told each other we loved each other and then I waved her goodbye. I
remember her infectious giggle and huge smile as her eldest sister Danielle
drove her to Croydon. I never knew then that this would be the last time I
saw her wonderful smile and the last time I ever heard her voice.
At 11.30am on Sunday, September 25, three police officers knocked at my door.
Before I knew it I was screaming with immense pain in my heart as I heard
the liaison officer tell me that Sally Anne had been killed, stabbed to
death.
From that second my life was over, all I wanted to do was to hold her in my
arms and never let her go again. That night I went to identify my baby girl
in the mortuary. I couldn’t even touch or kiss her. I could only look
through a thick piece of glass at my Sally Anne lying in a body bag on a
cold slab of metal.
I saw the wounds on her beautiful face and stab marks on her tiny neck, her
long, blonde hair was still wet having had the blood washed from it and it
was tied back off her face. She was so pale and so still. I pressed my hands
on the glass wanting it to break so I could hold my little girl one more
time. I fought my pain and tears and said to her, “Mummy’s here darling, I
love you so much”. The pain in my chest was so strong I thought I was going
to keel over.
I remember Sally’s sister Michelle being beside me crying, saying to me, “Mum
please wake her up” over and over again. Michelle and Sally Anne were only
two years apart and were the closest of my four daughters. I remember being
told we had to leave and Michelle held on to the doorframe, her knuckles
turning white and refused to leave her little sister on her own. I had one
more look at Sally Anne, kissed the glass and told her how much I loved her.
I longed for her to move, or open her eyes so I could see again the biggest,
brightest blue eyes in the world. She didn’t, it was so quiet and I refused
to believe she was dead.
As I was driven back by the police I knew my other daughters Danielle and
Nicole were waiting for me. I knew they wanted me to tell them it was all a
mistake and it wasn’t Sally Anne. My front door opened as I was walking up
the path, I was looking at the two of them in the doorway and just nodded my
head. One of them shrieked and said “No Mum”, Michelle joined them and all
three huddled together.
I ran upstairs to the bathroom and was sick, my whole body started to shake
violently. I knew I had to be strong for the others; I was all they had in
the world. I kept asking myself, “How do I do this?”
Sally Anne’s dad Paul showed up and seeing his big blue eyes and touching his
skin was like holding Sally Anne, they were the double of each other. I felt
empty and life felt meaningless. For the past five years Sally and I lived
alone, as her sisters were older and had their own partners and homes. This
made Sally and I inseparable at times.
Sally Anne kept in contact over the years with the one and only man she truly
loved with all her heart. That man is Sally’s dad, Paul. I can remember the
first time Sally watched her dad on stage at Crystal Palace Park playing the
drums in a band. She was so small yet stood so tall and proud and she never
took her eyes off her daddy, not for one second. That is one memory that
will stay in my heart for ever. He was the king of her castle and she was
his beautiful blue-eyed princess and his only child.
I am a great believer in life after death and this has given me a small
modicum of comfort knowing that she is in a better place.
Taking my little girl’s ashes to the crematorium to lay her to rest was one of
the most painful experiences I have had to endure. I for some reason always
thought that I would see Sally coming through my front door again. A short
drive from my house to her place of rest was as painful as seeing Sally in
the mortuary. I put on a recording of Sally Anne singing Celine Dion’s My
Heart Will Go On. It seemed strange as I felt her presence and heard her
voice; it was just the two of us again. I didn’t want my life to go on
without her.
Nearing the final part of Sally’s journey I wished for time to go backwards as
I wanted one more day with my little girl. There is so much I never got to
tell her, I need to feel her soft, youthful skin, smell her favourite
perfume again and run my fingers through her beautiful, long blonde hair.
Every night I lay my head on Sally Anne’s pillow, as I can still smell her
on it. I hug it tight and this allows me to sleep pretending it is Sally
Anne I am cuddling.
I will never accept that I won’t ever see her again. My heart will never mend
not even with time. I cannot ever see things getting easier.
I lost the will to live when my baby girl was taken from me in such a brutal
and depraved way. I cannot understand why he killed her. It was bad enough
knowing that Sally had been stabbed to death, but then to be told that after
death he raped her and stole her belongings leaves me with the feeling that
he took her last piece of dignity.
I wish you had known Sally Anne. She exuded warmth and was always smiling and
giggling. She had the singing voice of an angel, which is very fitting now.
Where do I go from here? How do I take care of my three other daughters? I am
empty; there is nothing else for me to give.
There are so many things a mother wants to say to her daughter and that chance
has now gone for ever. I wish for just one more day with Sally so I can tell
her these things.
We are now left with only memories of Sally Anne, even those will be taken but
more gently over time. But the hurt and loss will never diminish.
Today is not just about justice being done, it is about us all finally letting
go and beginning the worst, most lonely journey of all, life without Sally
Anne.
