I am also a graduate and was nine months pregnant when I graduated in law. I started looking for a job when my son about two months because me and my partner and baby were living off £14,000.00 - Yes Simone I know what it's like to scrape together coins - really. My first visit to Mother Care was not to swan about fingering lovely items of clothing and purchasing needless objects for my son. It was to pop in and out with £3 for a pair of mittens which he needed as he has terrible eczema and I needed to prevent him from sucking on his hands and irritating his skin. I felt so low and out of place in that huge store among all the smug faced stay at home mums It is not a fulfilling life when you live it in poverty. Poverty may not mean going without water or indeed food in the UK, but it means a multitude of other things that a majority of people know nothing about. I now have a job in law where my career might flourish and thus a secure future be born. Unfortunately nursery is nec.

Jody Marie Palfreyman, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire

I have just returned to work this week. My son is 11and a half months old and is in nursery for two days a week. I have suffered guilt and shed tears. However as he will be an only child I believe the social interaction at nursery will be good for him and he just loves the new collection of toys. I need to work a minimum of 16 hours so that I can claim working tax credits and my husband has just given up a full time job to return to education. Money is very tight but going back to work has renewed my confidence and created a greater sense of equilibrium. I feel happier and more fulfilled and really look forward to my time with my son who seems happy and lively. I believe a balance is the way forward if possible and I personally would rather see more of my son and go without holidays, new shoes and designer suits.

lizzy Weich, brighton, England

Hi, I am 26, a young (graduate) mother of two gorgeous girls. I was told my generation could do whatever we wanted- I am on the verge of starting my first full time job in the NHS. My husband is self employed and we currently live on £10,000 a year. Have you ever really known how it feels (really) to scrape together coins to buy a few things for your children to eat? Have you really not had a holiday in seven years? Because our family haven't. And poverty is miserable, families can become miserable whether Mum is home full time or not. I have stayed at home wth both my girls and my oldest is now at school full time. My youngest is almost two and she will be attending full time care. I want to go to work because I want a career, I want to fulfil my potential that I put on hold at 21. I hope to God that my two girls are still not having to justify whatever they choose to do to bitchy, smug stay at home women in the future.

Simone Rogers, Lincoln, UK

Hi, I am 26, a young (graduate) mother of two gorgeous girls. I was told my generation could do whatever we wanted- I am on the verge of starting my first full time job in the NHS. My husband is self employed and we currently live on £10,000 a year. Have you ever really known how it feels (really) to scrape together coins to buy a few things for your children to eat? Have you really not had a holiday in seven years? Because our family haven't. And poverty is miserable, families can become miserable whether Mum is home full time or not. I have stayed at home wth both my girls and my oldest is now at school full time. My youngest is almost two and she will be attending full time care. I want to go to work because I want a career, I want to fulfil my potential that I put on hold at 21. I hope to God that my two girls are still not having to justify whatever they choose to do to bitchy, smug stay at home women in the future.

Simone Rogers, Lincoln, UK

On the same day as this article was published the judge in a residence case involving my 3 year old son and the CAFCASS officer reecomended he go full time to nyrsery

Phil Mathers, Bradford, England

We moved to Perth in Western Australia so we could afford to bring up our child with me at home as a full time mother. I did give up a huge amount to do this i.e. my own successful interior design business........ I hope to set it up again one day but I made a choice when I became pregnant and that was to be the Mother of my child . Just for the record, women who go to work really do have it easy - they do not have to take full responsibility for their childs development niether do they have to let go of their ' oh so important identity!'

Rebecca Brewster, Perth, WA

I am a working mother and my child is in full time nursery and he loves it. Yes, it was my choice to have a baby, and no, I don't have a high flying career. BUT, if I want the mortgage to be paid and there to be food on the table (did someone say holidays???? Can't afford those) then I have to work. Alas, I did not win the lottery when I was on maternity leave.

Always question the findings of research. Did the researchers already believe that a child is best off being looked after by a parent and wanted to prove this? Did they structure their questionnaire to lead their participants to that conclusion? What was the social background of the children involved?

So what are parents to do? Only have one child (because clearly if you have more than one then you will have to share yourself between siblings?). Give up work so that the state can pay for you to stay at home? There is plenty of research out there that contradicts these latest findings.

Fiona Mackinlay, Glasgow, UK

Anyone who can claim that it is beneficial for children under the age of three to be in day care for up to 10 hours a day must be delusional. Wages in this sector are abysmal and as the old adage has it - you get what you pay for. It may be preferable for some children who would otherwise spend their days strapped in a buggy trailing around shopping centres with a chav teenage mother but the majority of children are infinitely better off being cared for by mum, dad or grandparents ie someone who has a vested interest in their development and wefare. Many couples do not both have to work full-time- they do it for the cars, holidays, houses, possessions etc. and because they selfishly do not want to put a career on hold for a few years. If you CHOOSE to do this at least be honest and don't pretend it benefits a child to be cared for all day by semi-literate teenagers!

henry alexander, london ,

Why is it that people who favour putting children into care seem to be unable to distinguish between the mother's so-called needs and the child's very genuine ones? When you have an adult, autonomous person and a small, powerless one, whose needs come first? Duh...that's a tough one. Not. Study after study says that small children are better off with their parent, whichever it is. Just accept that, can't you? And accept that a)nobody has to have a child if they know they will hate looking after it; b)there are always ways of managing on less money if you try; c)it is not absolutely compulsory for parents to have everything they want and that making sacrifices goes with being a parent. Oh sorry, found myself back in 1973 there for a moment - thank goodness. Grow up, nursery-using parents. You have a choice - your children don't.

Fiona Cummings, Edinburgh, UK

My sister in law and her mother work in childcare. For years, I have heard them commenting on how unhappy the "full-time" children in their nursery usually seem seem to be - insecure, agressive with other children, appearing not to want to leave the nursery when their parents come to collect them, and seeming to feel more for their nursery carers than their parents. (Ironically, several parents I know whose small children are in full time nursery care point to their unwillingness to leave the nursery at the end of the day as being a sign of how happy they are there - they don't seem to see it as a sign that their childen just don't know where their real home is.) If nursery staff themselves know perfectly well that full time care is a poor substitute for parental involvement, do we really need these expensive studies to bring this point home?

Charlotte, Oxford,

If parents (mothers especially) feel the need to put their children into full time daycare from the age of 3 months or so, and leave them there all day, all week, for nearly all year and only bring them out to display to family and friends at weekends and the all important holidays to far off and expensive places WHY HAVE CHILDREN ?? Surely a fast car and a swimming pool would be sufficiant status symbols for people like this. I had my children because I wanted to look after them myself, to see them smile, walk, talk, read and write and know that I have had, and am having, a major influence in their development and most importantly not shipping them out to other people to bring up. I had a very good and well paid job before my family was born. Some sacrifices are worth making...

Stephanie , Oxford , UK

I am confused. According to the reporting, this study was based on "810 children in 100 neighbourhood nurseries".
How then can a conclusion be made that they are "more likely to display antisocial tendencies and anxiety than those who stay at home"???? - that those who stay at home apparently weren't studied.

A different article in The Times online provides a different take on the same study - http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/education/article1613591.ece

Jonathan, Belfast,

Yet again the debate is polarised: working mothers who leave their children in nurseries versus full time mothers who do not. However, there are many working mothers who do not use nursery care for their children, and many full time mothers (albeit well off ones) who do.
Nursery care is never as good for babies and young children as loving full time one to one care, and that is a fact. Children need to be loved and nurtured, not institutionalised from an early age. They have individual needs, and group care cannot meet them in the same way the loving one to one relationship of a parent or other sole carer can. Some working parents recognise this, and pay the earth to employ a nanny. Some full time mothers do not recognise this and place their young children in nursery care to have a break from looking after them.
The government should not encourage group care, but recognise that loving one to one care is the best, and provide help for families to achieve this.

Mary, London,

If parents (mothers especially) feel the need to put their children into full time daycare from the age of 3 months or so, and leave them there all day, all week, for nearly all year and only bring them out to display to family and friends at weekends and the all important holidays to far off and expensive places WHY HAVE CHILDREN ?? Surely a fast car and a swimming pool would be sufficiant status symbols for people like this. I had my children because I wanted to look after them myself, to see them smile, walk, talk, read and write and know that I have had, and am having, a major influence in their development and most importantly not shipping them out to other people to bring up. I had a very good and well paid job before my family was born. Some sacrifices are worth making .

Stephanie, Oxford, UK

I don't think it is utter rubbish. I work in child mental health and I can tell you, not having your parents around can cause disaster and have repercussions for the rest of your life. i just feel sorry for these people who think money is more important than love and going to Barbados on holiday is more important than having a nice time with your family. Working mother are under a lot of stress constantly, they are also full of guilt and that is just not good to make ahappy family and happy children. You just have to know what your values are. But remember, your childen do not stay little for very long and you will never hear a mother of grown up children saying "yes, go to work, it is not worse staying at home while they are little", but of course the wisdom of older people is not something people listen any more.

Sophie, Liverpool,

'Newsflash: educated, ambitious women who stay at home full-time "become anti-social". Unscientific studies of a sample group of 50 women in Scotland suggest that educated, bright women, who are forced to stay home with their children to meet a socially-imposed mothering standard, can demonstrate anti-social behaviour as they become isolated from social norms and go ga-ga from non-interaction with adult humans. Aberrant behaviour may include neurosis, paranoia, resentment of spouse, bitterness and a shrewish temperament.'

Why can't all the conservative mandarins accept that not every woman is suited to being a stay-at-home mother? Most women like to have a combintation of work and family life, just as most men do and they shouldn't be constantly made to feel inadequate for that. Women have been working for centuries: it's nothing new so why the panic about it these days? This is just another transparent attempt to play on middle-class anxieties.

MB, Edinburgh,

What utter rubish. Both my daughters attended full time nursery from a very early age and when I compare their social/life skills and achievements at school against their peers who stayed at home with mummy, I know who are the better balanced individuals. - just let us have a go at working parents shall we!

Bruce, Cumbria,

Marvellous - another study that tells me that I should not be working for more than 7 hours a day! So how do I afford my mortgage? How do I afford my food? How do I afford clothes for myself and child? If someone can tell me how to do this without relying on child care (we do not live near either set of grandparents - one set who are still working) then I am all ears ... Thanks you Times for presenting an overview that undermines my choices but provides me with no alternative, great journalism!

Jhanna C, Newcastle, UK

Dr John Bowlby ,does no one read your work these days?the research was done more than 50 years ago and didn't cost £350 million.So many people reinventing the wheel.

Graham Edlin, london, uk

It is true. Parents who put their children in murseries are selfish. Childrne are little for such a short time. There was a mother on BBC whining but I need to work. It is only because she is a victim of consumerism and selfishness.
Earlier in the week when a father stated he wanted to stay home to look after his children - another mother whined he could not possible do it. Mothers want everything and in the end do nothing except propagate this selfish society.

Parents are responsible for creating the society we have noe.

sue, southampton, uk

I guess I'm just glad I stayed home and didn't use day care. I know how hard it was on my children for me to leave them for a few hours a week to do a service project! I don't have a powerhouse career because I didn't work while they were young but I don't regret it. I just hope they recognize the value of what their upbringing gave them and remember to take care of me when my retirement runs out!

Brigid Kowalczyk, Ann Arbor, MI