On the surface of it, Weight Watchers’ cunning plan to slim down all us porky office workers seems, well, like a cunning plan. We spend most of our waking lives at work; ergo, it makes sense to tackle obesity in the workplace. Genius.

Bah, I say. Bah, and possibly also a quart of delicious mint humbugs. There is so much that is wrong with this idea I hardly know where to begin. First, while I do like my colleagues – I am even fond of a few of them – I absolutely, categorically, do not want to share my vital statistics with them.

I don’t want them to know how much I weigh any more than I want them to know how much money I earn, or how often I wax my bikini line. I certainly do not want to take part in a “motivational” weigh-in session with them, least of all have them smirking behind my back as I snaffle a week’s calorie allowance in chocolate-coated raisins.

Secondly, the “okey-dokey, pig-in-a-pokey” attitude of Little Britain’s Marjorie Dawes may work in a comedy sketch, but it’s not so funny in an office environment.

The workplace can be intimidating at the best of times. People who carry a bit of extra weight are often very sensitive about it (I should know). Failing on such a delicate issue in front of others could seriously undermine a person’s confidence. Besides, beleaguered employees already have so many targets to meet these days, do we really want any more?

Perhaps most pertinent, however, is that this plan fails to treat one of the main causes of the growing problem of obesity, which is that we lead a sedentary lifestyle. And why is this? Because more and more of us spend our days hunched over computers, barely expending enough calories to justify the consumption of a lettuce sandwich and a fizzy mineral water.

What’s more, I don’t think it would be pushing the boat out too much to suggest that most office canteens make McDonald’s look like The Ivy: tasteless food, cooked any which way you like, so long as it’s fried.

Perhaps investing in a better office culture, rather than shipping in the diet diehards, might be a healthier (mentally and physically) way of tackling the problem.

Times Recommends

• The fourth plinth art project: famous for 60 minutes
• Rubik has a new puzzle to irritate the nation
• Is it Radio 4 or Radio Bore?