NEW fathers should be encouraged to share a hot bath with their partner and to give her a massage, but not to pressure her into having sex too soon after childbirth, a government-funded information pack for men advises.

The package tackles one of the most difficult and least-talked-about aspects of relationships immediately after childbirth: how to cope with a man’s sexual desire without putting undue pressure on a new mother who is so exhausted and emotionally charged that just keeping her eyes open requires major exertion.

The DAD Pack advises new fathers to wait for at least six weeks after childbirth to resume sex with their partner, noting that she “may be too knackered to even think about sex”. Recognising the need that both new parents will have for continued physical contact, however, the guide offers tips for men staying physically close to their partners in ways that do not have to lead to sex. Try “massaging her, hot baths together, etc — but no sex, no pressure”, it firmly advises.

To those men who remain frustrated and who are unable to delay gratification, the guide recommends this course of action: “Sort yourself out beforehand, so you can focus on her needs.”

Adrienne Burgess, a fatherhood expert, said that sexual dissatisfaction after childbirth was a serious relationship issue.

“Treating this desire among men as ‘simply selfish’ is a big mistake. Staying intimate is vital at this stressful time. Provided men can stay tuned to their partner’s needs, seeking closeness with her as well as with their baby, can be good for everyone,” she said.

There is growing evidence that in the period after a baby is born women are more likely than their partners to be satisfied with their sex lives. Jack O’Sullivan, of Fathers Direct, which has produced the DAD Pack, said: “The guide aims to show them they can be physical without making their partner feel burdened by demand.”

The DAD Pack has been created to meet new government guidance requiring thousands of Sure Start children’s centres, maternity units and nurseries to provide effective support to fathers.

Until now these services have mainly offered support to mothers. More than 10,000 copies have already been ordered, mainly by children’s centres, for distribution on Father’s Day to new fathers or fathers-to-be.

NO SEX PLEASE . . .

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