Imagine you’re alone in the city at night. You’re feeling vulnerable and threatened. There’s violence in the air, gangs on the streets, and you’re scared. What would make you feel safer? Seeing some real, live policemen patrolling the area or noticing a poster on the wall that reads: “Bin a knife, Save a life”?

Scotland’s Chief Inspector of Constabulary Paddy Tomkins, thinks either will do and that the poster is just as effective as the bobbies in bolstering our confidence. Defending his use of posters to the Holyrood justice committee, he said: “There are many means of reassuring the public, which are complementary — one is not necessarily better than the other.”

Okay, so he’s not saying that posters alone will cut crime rates (thank goodness) but if I were a policeman, I’d feel a teensy bit irked at the suggestion that I’m not necessarily more use than a big piece of paper.

There’s no denying the power of the poster, but if I was considering joining up in 1915, seeing a picture of Kitchener’s face and reading the words: “Your Country Needs You” wouldn’t have had quite such an effect on me as Kitchener himself turning up on my doorstep and dragging me off to the front. Likewise, if I’d had an accident and was screaming: “Get a doctor!” I wouldn’t be too pleased if someone dashed over carrying a medical poster from the surgery, saying “Will this do?”

They understand these things in Gotham City. When Commissioner Gordon flashes the Bat signal across the skies, he knows that it’ll soon be “complemented” by Batman himself kicking some miscreant ass. He doesn’t switch it on for mere effect, to lull the good people of Gotham into a false sense of security while Batman’s actually at home in the Batcave doing his paperwork.

But since Tomkins can’t call upon Batman, maybe a similar tactic might work to reassure the Scottish public. To make up for the shortage of officers on the beat, he could put a police siren on every street corner and switch them on in turn, throughout the night, to deter any potential wrongdoers. It’ll be noisy, but it’s got to be more effective than a poster saying: “Nee-naw”.

Pity the poor lambs who did their English Higher exam this year. Apparently, many of them were bored by the comprehension paper, which was about the abolition of greenbelt land in rural England.

Some teachers complained the choice of subject was “not terribly interesting” which surprises me, as I didn’t realise exams were supposed to be rollicking good reads.

The paper’s Anglo-centric aspect has also been criticised, but this isn’t about national identity; it’s about being 16 years old. No child on the planet is interested in the Home Counties greenbelt. Even if it had dealt with Highland hedgerows, the subject matter is still irrelevant.

The question is, can you understand something, even if you don’t give a flying foundation level about it? If you can, you’re learning more than just English. You’re learning to be an adult, my child.

The point of exams is to hone the skills that will stand us in good stead in our adult lives, and adult life can be mind-blowingly boring. We’re constantly forced to engage with things that don’t interest us at all. I often find myself reading stuff that makes me want to fall asleep — you might well be feeling like that right now — but I’ve learned to cope.

Every grown-up spends ages grappling with dull texts, trying to comprehend them and respond to them. Ask any office worker. Ask anybody who has ever filled in a tax form, or tried to assemble flat-pack furniture, or filled in a Microsoft user-agreement form, or tried to figure out their new DVD installation instructions. Ask anybody who’s ever taken out insurance, sued somebody or got divorced.

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