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Have you ever noticed how your teacher is always shouting by the time he announces, “I'm not going to raise my voice.” Or the way your mum will say that you're “too young” to do something one minute, but 60 seconds later she'll be telling you to “act your age”?
Eros Vlahos has. But then, you might expect him to make these kinds of observation, because 12-year-old Eros is the youngest stand-up comedian at this year's Edinburgh Festival.
Many a Fringe comedian is already enduring sleepless nights at the thought of a bear-pit audience, or suffering the dread of the tumbleweed effect that comes from playing to crowds of just three or four paying punters. But experience has taught Eros, from Camden in London, to take everything in his stride.
“Adults tend to keep quiet when kids are on stage. But if I did get a heckler, I'd have to deal with it - think of a couple of comeback lines, or hand them a colouring-in book or something like that,” said Eros, who debuted on the Fringe last year with a walk-on part in a children's comedy show. That experience planted the germ of an idea, and next month he returns with Problem Child, a 50-minute set of his own. “I've been writing new stuff all the time, so I have way enough material to fill it out,” said Eros. “It's about pointing out the stupid things that adults do - then they go, ‘Oh yeah, he's right, I do that too,' and they laugh.”
Over the past two years, Eros has performed at the Soho theatre and the Comedy Store in London, and has done turns for Comic Relief and Blue Peter. He believes Edinburgh offers the best opportunity for his big break. “It's a great festival for comedy. It has a fantastic atmosphere, and every kind of comic who wants to do well goes to the festival. Even Ricky Gervais and Jimmy Carr, people who don't need to be there. They all turn up. There's a great vibe,” said Eros, who added that he most admires Gervais, Lee Evans and the Irish comic Ed Byrne.
His mother, Terry Davy, admitted that she was anxious about his 10-day run, despite his experience. “When he's standing up there alone, you can't do anything for him,” she said. “He's had good audiences but he's had bad audiences and very small audiences too. He might get upset afterwards, but he knows he has to bounce back. He does know that's part of the package as a comedian and it's not always so easy,” said Ms Davy, a fashion designer who is funding his Edinburgh run, together with her boyfriend, Spiros Vlahos.
Eros is not the first young comedian to have come to Edinburgh seeking fame and fortune. In 2002, 10-year-old Kitty Lovett had a 15-minute slot during her father's stand-up show, and played a three-week run, though she has since left the circuit.
Her father, Norman Lovett - who played Holly the computer in the cult series Red Dwarf - recalled that Kitty had been forced to deal with heckling from fellow comedian Boothby Graffoe, 46. She did so by wondering aloud “You get your kicks from heckling 10-year-old girls?” That, said Mr Lovett, had brought the house down.
Only Eros's brother Tron, remained sceptical about a stand-up career. “Why would you make someone laugh? Only clowns do that,” he scoffed.
Tron, 5, added that he hoped to be an engine driver when he grew up.
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