It was once a case of “Hello, hello, hello, what have we here then?” Now, after decades of speaking a different language from the rest of us, police officers have made a plea to be allowed to speak plain English.

Constables in Dumfries & Galloway have submitted proposals to the Scottish Police Federation conference next week, saying that they and their colleagues everywhere are mocked for using traditional “police-speak”.

This includes many “confusing and irritating” phrases when speaking to the public, along with a host of bewildering acronyms.

Simply put, it seems that after years of proceeding in a northwesterly direction to investigate the party exiting a vehicle, the police would rather just say that they turned left to see the man getting out of a car.

Rank-and-file officers hope that the move will help to distance themselves from what has become known as “ploddledygook”.

The report to the conference reads: “The mover of the motion feels strongly that for too long the Police Service has chosen verbosity over accuracy and clarity and that in 2009 there should be a return to plain English. Too many documents are crowded with management terminology and buzz phrases which wax and wane in popularity.

“A return to plain English would avoid confusion and doubt about exactly what we are saying and meaning and would benefit not only the police service but the commun- ities we serve.”

Constable Allan Scott, a media liaison officer at Lothian & Borders Police, said that phrases such as SPOC — single point of contact — needed to be scrapped. He said: “It’s a fair cop. We are guilty of using too many acronyms.”

But the rules on giving evidence in criminal court cases mean phrases such as, ‘The suspect did then aggressively resist arrest’ would still need to be used. There is a requirement for that in a court of law.”

The Plain English Campaign has also been calling on police forces to use simpler language. Examples picked out by the campaign include Norfolk Constabulary’s description of its control room as “Citizen Focus Command”.

Last night Marie Clair, the spokeswoman for the Plain English Campaign, said that it was a constructive move. “Jargon and gobbledygook could be so frustrating for the public and police employees who have to deal with it daily.

"A respectful, commonsense approach that is clear and honest can deal with most communications, including any sensitive issues, and avoid the need for excessive political correctness.”

Fluent in ploddledygook?

Party Person
Vehicle Car
Disturbance Fight
Respond to Go to
I’m en route I’m on the way
Juveniles Kids
Summons Ticket
Exited the vehicle Got out of the car
Stand by Wait
Affirmative, Affirm, or That’s affirmative Yes
Negative or That’s negative No
SD Sudden death
SIO Senior investigating officer
Soco Scenes of crime officer
RTA Road traffic accident
SPOC Single point of contact

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