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On paper it looks so simple: turn up, transform oatmeal, water and salt into a steaming bowlful, impress judges, collect cash prize. In previous years — this is the 13th event — hopefuls have travelled from Sweden, Israel and Zimbabwe to stir their stuff. Anyone can have a go at producing an award-winning bowl of what Rabbie Burns affectionately described as “chief of Scotia’s food”.
This year, organisers were delighted to receive a letter from 70-year-old Velvet Perston of New South Wales, Australia. Although she cannot attend in person, Perston has offered to pay the £10 entrance fee if someone is willing to represent her in the competition. Although she lives in a climate more suited to a chilled slice of melon, Perston and Alistair, her 80-year-old husband, eat porridge every morning. It reminds Alistair of home. Perston even stirs it with a spurtle carved more than 60 years ago, when Alistair was a pupil at Bearsden Academy.
Next month’s event is for purists only. The mere mention of oatflakes, double cream, or, whisper it, the microwave is enough to bring the hard-liners out in a cold sweat.
For starters, some insist that porridge should only be prepared with a traditional spurtle, rather than a wooden spoon, stirred in a clockwise fashion, using the right hand so as not to “evoke the devil”.
For George McIvor, chairman of the Master Chefs of Great Britain, who has been judging porridge since the contest began, the contest is about making a classical version of the dish according to age-old Scottish tradition.
“Lumps are definitely a no-no,” says McIvor, “and anything that looks a bit too grey or is thin like dishwater would instinctively put me off.” While he insists on oatmeal only in the competition, he is not precious about modern recipes. “As a nation we have a chronic health problem, so anything that encourages Scots to eat more oats should be encouraged.”
Since the competition started, in 1993, porridge has undergone an image revolution. It is now championed by everyone from Gillian McKeith, the presenter of Channel 4’s You Are What You Eat, to the residents of the Big Brother House, and is available from McDonald’s. There is even a chain of mobile porridge vans, Stoats Porridge Bars, serving hot bowlfuls at music festivals and farmers’ markets throughout Scotland. For its owner, Anthony Stone, porridge is a versatile fast-food that should be open to interpretation. “We add toppings like white chocolate and hazelnut or raspberries and cream to make it tasty and fun,” he says.
Stone will be sending Marianne McNeill from the Inverness branch of Stoats to next month’s contest. As well as preparing a bowl of traditional oatmeal, she will enter the speciality section, where entrants experiment with extras. Previous entrants have added everything from seaweed, smoked haddock, figs, apples and bramble liqueur to the oats. McNeill hopes to fire up the judges with her combination of dark chocolate and chillies.
As far as the judge Fi Bird is concerned, the event is an excellent opportunity to build on porridge’s reputation as a healthy fast food. A food writer and former Scottish Masterchef, Bird eats porridge every morning with her husband, a GP, and fed it to her six children as they were growing up. “Porridge is great for stoking up little tummies and making sure they don’t fall asleep during lessons,” she says. “A bowl of porridge at breakfast keeps me from raiding the biscuit barrel too.”
The championships take place in Carrbridge, Inverness-shire, on Sunday, October 8. www.goldenspurtle.com
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