“We are happy to invite you to our wedding. PS: Please bring your cheque book,” said one invitation from a couple who explained that they already had all the bedlinen and household goods that they needed.

No matter how startled they may be, friends are paying. Georgia Lawther-Richmond, 27, from New York went to a wedding in Oregon recently. Instead of sending out a traditional gift list, the bride and groom posted an internet appeal for contributions towards wedding and honeymoon items.

Lawther-Richmond offered to split the cost of the honeymoon rental car. “We sent the money straight to the travel agent,” she said.

With an average New York wedding costing $40,000 (£21,600), the big day is often beyond the means of parents and couples. Wesley Puryear and Valerie Hernandez are able to spend $51,000 on their August nuptials, complete with a string quartet, by tapping guests for $150 a head to recover half the cost.

Wells Fargo bank has set up a “Wishing Well” service. “Instead of registering for dishes and wall hangings, have your guests help out with the burdens of the cost of the wedding itself,” it advises.

Peggy Post, an American expert on etiquette, says that asking guests to pay is “inexcusably rude”.

Fadi Kheir, a New York photographer, said people wanted celebrity-style weddings but could not afford them. “Asking friends to help out is one way,” he said. “I suppose it’s not that different from taking back their gifts and getting the cash.”

The trend is starting to catch on in Britain. Andrew Chinneck, 26, a customer adviser for a bank, and Jodie Devine, 26, from London, have set up a joint account into which guests can pay their “gifts”. The cash will clear pre-wedding debts. “We have all the household items we need. What we need is to start our new life with as little debt as possible,” said Chinneck.

Americans take a dim view of one of our customs, however. Kate Edmonds, one of New York’s top wedding planners, said: “In Britain you often have a cash bar at a wedding. That would be really bad form here.”

Explore World News

• Iraq News

• US & Americas News

• Europe News

• Middle East News

• Asia News

• Africa News

• Ireland News

Times Recommends

• Putin set to bait US with nuclear aid for Tehran
• North Korea ‘uses doubles to hide death of Kim’
• Academics label Charlie Wilson too 'gung-ho'