Girl in a cassock has carabinieri finding religion all over again
FORGET women priests, check out babe bishops. This is the eye-catching approach to the Vatican’s ban on female clergy adopted by the makers of an Irish religious-affairs documentary filmed in Rome.
Attempting to prove it’s not only men who can wear clerical frocks, the producers of The Last Judgment — to be broadcast on RTE1 next Tuesday — hired an Italian catwalk model to swagger up the Via della Conciliazione, near St Peter’s Square, dressed in episcopal robes. Unfortunately, Rome’s police were not impressed by this bishopric teaser and summoned Vatican security, even though the shoot was beyond the boundaries of the Holy See. Brian Hayes, the director, the reporter and the model were detained but released without charge.
While Vatican officials claimed to be affronted by the sight of a woman of the cloth, individual cops proved more indulgent. The arresting officers proudly displayed their “catch” to colleagues from all over Rome, many of whom (vainly) sought private audiences.
Nothing, it seems, re-ignites male interest in the church more than the prospect of a little how’s-yer-Holy-Father.
It takes a woman judge to shed light on men's colourful driving
MALE drivers who believe that an amber traffic light means “go faster” were handed the perfect alibi by Judge Mary Martin in Athy district court last week.
During a case in which a man was accused of driving through a red light, Martin asked the solicitor Frank Taaffe if his client was able to distinguish which light was which given that “70% of men are colour-blind”.
Taaffe wondered where the learned judge had got this informational gem. “It’s a well-known fact based on scientific evidence,” breezed Martin, adding that “women don’t have the same shortcoming”.
But Taaffe’s attempts to have the charges struck out did not succeed. His client was fined €200 after pleading guilty to a lesser charge of careless driving.
Ireland’s much-maligned district court judges are not just sages, of course. They’re witty too. A man was convicted of selling porn DVDs at a car boot sale at Ballinrobe mart last week and Judge Mary Devins observed that one of the offending titles was Animal Farm.
“I assume it wasn’t George Orwell’s version,” she quipped.
McCreevy bores for Europe at City bash
EU commissioner Charlie McCreevy got a frosty reception from British businessmen at a dinner in London recently. Guest of honour at the Association of Corporate Treasurers’ annual dinner, attended by 1,500 financial types, McCreevy horribly misjudged his audience. British businessmen chafing at excessive EU red tape are not in the mood to hear about Brussels’ “light touch”, or that its regulations are “tip-top”, but that’s what McCreevy claimed.
Open Europe blog reports: “He spoke as if to a crowd of Brussels-based eurocrats. He lauded the EU’s important role in world financial markets and only passingly acknowledged the fact that most of this was due to London. His audience quickly became restless and ignored him. When McCreevy finished there was mocking applause.”
Ruby Wax, the comedienne, thanked the former Irish finance minister “for warming up my audience”, adding: “He spoke for 20 minutes; it seemed like 20 years.” This met with riotous cheering from the audience. How McCreevy must have wished he was back in Merrion Street buying another election.
Praise for Ulster's sense of humour - where did they find it?
NORTHERN IRELAND’S tourist body was once dedicated to convincing prospective visitors that they wouldn’t wind up as, well, a tourist body. With the advent of comparative peace, the province has developed a reputation as a splendid holiday spot. But one Ulster attraction is being grossly misrepresented. The “humour” of the people is among the local phenomena praised by the Lonely Planet travel guide.
As anyone who has spent time in the north will know, however, the Ulster sense of humour revolves primarily around the misfortunes of others, especially those from the “other” community. An excess of self-pity and a lack of self-awareness are also essential.
Lonely Planet should learn to distinguish between funny and laughable.
- FINE Gael is too busy wishing us all a happy Christmas. Remember the Christmas bash where a member of the Wolfe Tones sang Ooh Ah Up the ’Ra to bemused Blueshirters? So no surprise to learn that this year’s pre-Christmas staff lunch has been cancelled.
The excuses given by Fine Gael HQ for calling off the bash are suitably lame. It said staff were too busy “dispatching Christmas cards” to come to a party.
Instead, the staff lunch will be held next September. After the general election. Imagine what a glum affair that could be.
Maggie Kenneally, the dentist employed by the Village, should stick to fillings. In the current issue of the magazine she takes issue with David McWilliams’s claim that banks are handing out 800 mortgages daily. “That is 284,800 a year. Barmy,” she writes. “The total number of new private houses was 80,629 in 2005. So how could there have been 284,000 mortgages issued?” Wake up Maggie — people get mortgages for second-hand homes too.
A libel action taken by Edward Haughey and his company, Norbrook Laboratories, against two Cumbrian villagers who dared to object to his planning application has been thrown out in the Court of Appeal. The Cumberland News reports that Haughey’s action was described by a judge as an “unacceptable attempt to stifle a legitimate public controversy”.
Lord Ballyedmond, as we should now call him, took offence at a circular and an e-mail sent by two locals in response to his plan to build a car park beside his Cumbrian pub. “The e-mail is a fierce, but perfectly legitimate, comment on the proposal, made to people with a legitimate interest in knowing what the writer thinks,” a law lord said. “If the e-mail, which was sent to the planning authority, was libellous, every controversial planning application will be followed by a writ.”
Haughey is a member of the National Forum for Peace and Reconciliation. Maybe he should invite the objectors round to his pub for a pint.
Emulate all you like, Nelly, but don’t imitate. Enya is no slouch when it comes to defending her oeuvre. She’s already taught The Fugees an expensive lesson after they sampled one of her works without permission.
