It was hard not to feel just a tiny bit sorry for Joe Biden during last night’s vice-presidential debate.

There he was, a US Senator with a God-given talent for minutia and condescension, his car salesman’s hairdo almost visibly bristling with contempt for the former Alaskan beauty queen standing beside him, but the rules of engagement read to him by his Democrat Party handlers specifically forbade him to say anything that could in any way whatsoever be construed as "talking down" to his vastly less experienced opponent — and therefore to female voters in general.

Even when Palin got a General’s name wrong.

And even when the Alaskan governor appeared to have no clue as to the meaning of "Achilles’ heel".

Indeed, it would be a surprise if Biden had any tongue left at all after last night’s debate, given how much time it must have spent being bitten by that flawless set of gameshow teeth.

Not that he managed to control himself for the entire debate, mind you. Half way through the proceedings, faced with a seemingly interminable onslaught of folksy hockeymomisms — most of them related to the topic at hand only in the sense that they were in (almost) same language — the Democratic Party’s vice-presidential nominee finally lashed out. But instead of taking out his exasperation on Palin, he took it out on the moderator, the nervous-looking Gwen Ifill of America’s Public Broadcasting Service, who in many ways represented an even more delicate target: a black woman. And a black woman who was seated at a desk, which made her look as though she were a schoolgirl and Biden the teacher.

“Past is prologue, Gwen!” fumed Biden, after Palin criticised him for harping on about the Bush Administration.

Then, a few moments later, “Facts matter, Gwen!”

While Biden’s performance was largely an exercise in self-restraint, Palin’s was at once excruciating and possibly brilliant. During one question, she could be seen wiping sweat from between her palms. At other times she winked while making a cheesy clicking noise. At no point did she ever seem comfortable with the English language, never mind the questions at hand. On several occasions she seemed to respond to the moderator by simply stringing a number of memorised phrases together, in no particular order, while looking for all the world like a crippled moose caught in the headlamps of rapidly advancing snowmobile.

For example, Palin was asked if her Achilles’ heel was lack of experience. She replied as if she heard only the last word: “My experience as an executive will be put to good use, as a manger and business owner and oil and gas regulator and later as governor of a huge state... but it wasn’t just that experience tapped into.... it was my connection to the heartland of America.” All of which was of course delivered with much smiling and nodding of the head.

Biden, for his part, oozed smugness when asked if his Achilles’ Heel was lack of discipline. “It’s very kind of you to suggest that my only Achilles’ heel is discipline,” he said. “Others talk about my excessive passion.”

It was enough to make Palin’s answer seem almost preferable.

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