Theme changes

Match of the Day Live, FA Cup Final, BBC One, 1pm today

Yes, that’s right, 1pm. Which, after a little head scratching, leads us to suppose that the BBC is devoting two hours to the build-up to the event. Which leaves me to suppose that I have false memory syndrome. Doesn’t anyone else recall waking at dawn to switch on the TV to discover the delights of an entire morning of Cup-themed programming? But, then again, this is not the match everyone is talking about, is it? There is always an English team in the FA Cup Final, but come Wednesday there will be an English club in the European Cup final — and that is not so common.

The Eurovision Song Contest 2005, BBC One, 8pm today

But football fans always watch the FA Cup Final. They just do. Just as they always think that they have the best music collection. So, if you suspect your partner is not a bona fide footie fan and stayed in to watch Arsène and Fergie to avoid trimming the hedge, then check what he or she watches this evening. If they tune in to Eurovision, when at the same time over on BBC Two they could have been watching Soul Deep — the Story of Black Popular Music, then you have them over a barrel.

Don't miss it

F1: Monaco Grand Prix qualifying, ITV1, 11.30am today

As Jenson Button sits in his lovely house in Monaco with nyeeeaaaarrr noises from the nearby grand prix qualifying laps spoiling his lunch, he might opt to tune into Five for some escapism (obviously you can get Five in Monaco if you are very rich). And if he does, he will find Sunday Drive, a Disney comedy about drivers whizzing off in wrong but identical vehicles. And Jenson will think: “Drat, why didn’ t BAR Honda say, when accused of cheating, ‘Not our car, mate. Looks like it, but it isn’t.’ ”

Wrong copy

Live one-day cricket, Sky Sports 2, 1pm tomorrow

There seem to be proposed changes to the rules of cricket every third week, which must be infuriating for traditonalists, who would be delighted if young people in hoodies never went near a county match and they were left to doze in peace. But never mind talk of substitutes and the startling entertainment value of Twenty20 tournaments, the big mistake was letting cricket copy rugby league. The Gloucestershire Gladiators? Some poor soul on the look-out for blood and guts is going to feel very let down tomorrow.

Civil service

Live Super League, Sky Sports 2, 6pm today

St Helens face Widnes Vikings in what should be an unusually timid affair. Given that St Helens dismissed Ian Millward for his foul and abusive language, I would expect anyone connected with the club to be wary of uttering the sort of expletive they used to think was acceptable in a man’s game. The Widnes team talk should be about winding up the St Helens players, who, fearful of saying anything grittier than: “Oh my giddy aunt, that hurt a bit, ” could capitulate when the going gets tough.

And another thing . . . How many households faced the Wednesday Night Dilemma? Two live football matches, both tempting but with different qualities. The “right thing to do” seemed to be to watch the Uefa Cup final, but there is something horribly fascinating about the play-offs, so we plumped for Ipswich Town at home to West Ham United. Sadly for Ipswich, the Suffolk club seemed to think that starting at 2-2 after the first leg with no away-goal bonus was an advantage. It was not: 2-2 is the same as 0-0. Oh well, maybe someone will tell them the rules next season.