2 Gerald Ford Gerald Ford, the accidental president of the USA, was never really cut out for the hurly-burly of politics. In fact, he could have been an American footballer. He captained his high school team on the gridiron, attended the University of Michigan on a football scholarship (he was voted the most valuable player in 1933) and was offered contracts by the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers. Instead, the great big wuss decided to attend law school, although he did a spot of football and boxing coaching on the side. Later in his political career, when he allegedly found it tricky to chew gum and talk sense simultaneously, many a seasoned contributor attributed his condition to having played too much helmet-free football.
3 Imran Khan As arguably Pakistan’s greatest cricketer and a man who loved his country almost as much as he loved himself, it made a certain kind of bonkers sense that the Lion of Lahore could run for president on a promise of wholesale reform of a corrupt political system. Naturally, the Pakistani people were far too smart to fall for him and in the 1997 election (around the time his illegitimate daughter was revealed) his Tehreek-e-Insaf party won exactly no seats in the National Assembly. However, in 2002 a landslide towards Tehreek-e-Insaf resulted in them winning one seat. No prizes for guessing who is the MP for Mianwali.
4 Jesse Ventura In another life, the former James Janos, independently minded governor of Minnesota between 1999 and 2003, was the professional wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura. His war cry of “win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat” ensured that he went into politics with his eyes wide open. He decided he was “fiscally conservative but socially liberal”, although his legislature tended to ignore him. After a bumpy ride with the local press, he decided not to seek re-election. Right now, he is undecided as to whether to run for president — “we need to put a wrestler in the White House in 2008” — or emigrate, apparently in disgust at American censorship laws.
5 George Weah Not noted for his bravery at Manchester City, Weah was certainly fearless in standing for the Liberian presidency last year in the first election since an unspeakable civil war ended in 2003. Then, like his move to Chelsea, it all went wrong. Despite being favourite and the most famous Liberian since Matilda Newport, and despite buying his own TV and radio stations to promote his message, Weah’s campaign was fatally undermined when he was rumoured to have taken French citizenship. Living in New York didn’t help, nor did not finishing high school. He lost out to 67-year-old grandmother Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, who became Africa’s first elected female leader. Weah also lost the court case in which he claimed electoral skulduggery.
6 Sebastian Coe An enthusiastic Conservative, except when it conflicted with his career, Coe declined Margaret Thatcher’s invitation to boycott the Moscow Olympics of 1980 and won 1500m gold instead. “It crossed my mind not to go,” he admitted, “but history showed I was right and they got it wrong.” By 1992 he was in the blue corner of Parliament as MP for Falmouth. After fellow MPs voted him “least impressive” of the new intake, the Chelsea season ticket-holder was ousted in 1997 and appointed William Hague’s chief of staff and judo partner. After steering Hague to a crushing defeat in the subsequent election, Coe entered the House of Lords. He popped out to head London’s victorious Olympic 2012 bid and gained national treasure status.
7 Idi Amin A big lad who, before taking over Uganda and killing up to 500,000 of his countrymen, became the nation’s heavyweight boxing champion in 1951. He lost the title after allegations that, as a soldier, he was a keen torturer. A later diet of humans — “Tastes salty,” the gourmet noted — meant muscle turned to flab, but Tanzania’s Julius Nyerere refused a fight, invaded Uganda and deposed Amin instead.
8 Jeffrey Archer The one-time deputy chairman of the Conservative Party and former MP for Louth is a convicted perjurer, but the sprinter and hurdler did win an athletics blue at Oxford in 1964. He also represented Great Britain in the 200m against Sweden in 1966, but as the athletics supremo Sir Arthur Gold noted: “It was late in the season and the Swedes beating us suggested it was not our strongest team.” Still, as Archer has probably said to himself many times (but only in jest), facts are facts.
9 Pele The greatest footballer the world has known made a decent fist of being Brazil’s minister for sport, his campaign against corruption working wonders for football and Pele’s network of companies. One of those companies took £450,000 of Unicef’s money for an unplayed benefit match that Pele was meant to organise for free rather than the $3m he charged. The money disappeared while Pele blamed his business partner, who had also been indicted on charges relating to corruption in football.
10 Kate Hoey Often for the high jump as an ineffective sports minister between 1999 and 2001, Hoey was the Northern Ireland high jump champion in her youth. Possibly the only person alive whose CV includes stints as Arsenal’s educational adviser, a PE teacher and membership of the Trotskyite Spartacus League. Last spotted batting against our Olympic bid and, as head of the Countryside Alliance, the ban on this farmer’s daughter’s favourite pastime — hunting.
