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I have a confession to make. I’ve forgotten to do something vital and it’s worrying me greatly. I still haven’t picked my fantasy football team.

Of course, the big question whenever footballers do this, is: “Do I pick myself?” You don’t want to sound like you rate yourself, but at the same time we all need faith in our abilities. The problem is, I was in my team last season and it didn’t work for me. And by the looks of it, I didn’t work for anyone else either. This time last year I was bombarded with texts saying: “Volzy, you’re in my team! Work some magic!” This year? Not one. I rest my case and have sacked myself. How sad is that? I can’t even get in my own dream team.

It’s hard to believe the season has already started. It seems like only yesterday that I was counting down for it to be over so I could do nothing for a few weeks. Actually, I’m not very good at doing nothing – it’s a very inefficient use of time, which isn’t the done thing in the Motherland. If the only thing I have to do is get the towels at 5am, I tend to go a bit stir crazy. So I worked all summer, even when I was on my holidays.

From the gyms of Majorca (sweaty, straight out of the 1970s and full of scary Spanish bodybuilders) to Manhattan (very cool), I worked out wherever I went. But by the time I got home I was getting the serious itch for a kickabout, so I went along with a mate who plays seven-a-side in South London.

Nobody knew who the hell I was, so there wasn’t any danger – and after a few weeks without kicking a ball, my touch gave nothing away. I think they just assumed I was some kind of exchange student.

By the time the preseason friendlies came around, it was a welcome relief. But the weird thing is that we haven’t played at home as they’ve been doing work on the ground. So when we play Bolton on Wednesday it’ll feel like an away game.

But after all that preparation, at least it’s under way now. I’ve just got to get on with the most important job and nail this damn fantasy team. Can anyone suggest a decent right back?

Moritz Volz plays for Fulham and will write regularly for TheGame throughout the season

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