If you have children still at school, you will no doubt be familiar with a
form of English test known as comprehension. Candidates are given a short
passage to read and then a series of questions that ascertain whether the
text has been understood.
Today’s excerpt is from Chelsea’s press conference on Friday and begins with
Bruce Buck, the chairman of the football club, responding to a query on José
Mourinho’s contract termination and whether there is a clause preventing him
working for another Barclays Premier League club. Questions and answers
below.
Bruce Buck, Chelsea chairman: “With regard to his contract, obviously the
specific terms are confidential, but there is nothing in that contract that
I, as a corporate lawyer, would view as particularly unusual in the context
of an executive of a company moving on.”
Journalist: “What does that mean? Can he manage another Premier League club or
not? No legalese.”
Buck: “OK, no legalese, fine. The point is this is a confidential arrangement
between José and Chelsea Football Club and the specific terms are
confidential.”
Journalist: “But can he go to a Premier League club?”
Buck: “I think I just answered that question.”
Journalist: “No you didn’t.”
Buck (to Peter Kenyon, Chelsea chief executive): “Maybe you should have
answered this one. The terms of the contract are confidential. I was trying
to be helpful by saying there is nothing in the contract that is
particularly unusual in this context.”
Journalist: “Bruce, if José Mourinho is worth getting rid of, why would
Chelsea be so scared of him working for another Premier League club?”
Buck: “I didn’t say we were.”
Journalist: “But if he can’t work for anybody else . . .”
Buck: “I didn’t say he couldn’t.”
Question 1: Do you think Mr Buck is concerned that Mr Mourinho might go
to work for somebody else? Why would this be? (150-200 words)
Question 2: Mr Buck says he is being helpful. Is this true? Think of
ways in which he could have been even more helpful. (200 words)
Question 3: Why do you think Mr Buck tells Mr Kenyon: “Maybe you should
have answered this one.” (50 words)
Answer 1: Although Mr Buck does not say he is concerned that Mr
Mourinho will go to work for somebody else, he gives the impression that he
is absolutely terrified that this will happen. This could be because Mr Buck
is Mr Mourinho’s friend and he does not want him to have another friend, or
it could be because Mr Mourinho is a very good football manager and if he
went somewhere such as Tottenham Hotspur he might park one up Chelsea before
this new bloke, Avram Grant, has had a chance to get his tracksuit on. And
Tottenham’s board of directors would not give a monkey’s about whether the
football was beautiful or not, because when you haven’t won the championship
since 1961 it does not pay to get picky, sunshine. What Mr Buck would like
to do is throw something away, but still keep it and that is very hard,
unless you have a boomerang. In this case, Mr Buck does not have a boomerang
but he may have a clever way of ensuring Mr Mourinho is happy with this
arrangement, like giving him 12 million quid. Although that sounds a lot of
money to spend, just because you are petrified you will be proved wrong.
Answer 2: Mr Buck says he is being helpful, but I don’t think he is. By
corporate law standards he may be being helpful because when you mess with
those guys you are usually lucky to leave with your trousers and a shirt on
your back, but he is not answering the questions, maybe because he does not
have the right answer. Mr Buck talks about things being kept secret, but the
journalists seem to know a lot of the secrets at Chelsea, so maybe Chelsea
are choosing to keep some things confidential, but not others. Maybe the
things they want to keep secret are things that make them look silly, like
getting rid of a manager, but not wanting him to work for another football
club, because they think he is very good, really, which does not make any
sense. It is like those times last season when some football clubs sold
players to other football clubs, then would not let them play against them.
If they thought they were rubbish, what were they worried about? I think Mr
Buck could have been more helpful had he answered the questions openly.
After all, he could not have looked dafter than he already did.
Answer 3: Mr Buck tells Mr Kenyon that he should have answered the
question because the question is difficult and he does not have the answers.
As Mr Kenyon does not say anything, maybe he does not know the answer,
either. Perhaps there was another man who did have the answer, but he wasn’t
there.
More Drog-gone threats
Didier Drogba’s threat that he will leave Chelsea after the departure of José
Mourinho would have more substance had he not also made it just about every
summer for the past three years, when the manager he so adores was in
charge.
Expensive failures
England’s women are heading home from the World Cup. According to one report,
they “battled like heroes” in a 3-0 defeat by the United States. What
actually happened was that despite the FA’s annual investment of £4.5
million, England won one match in four against a joke team, Argentina, that
conceded 18 goals in three matches. England drew their other group games and
were stuffed out of sight by the first good team they played at the knockout
stage and the goalkeeper had a nightmare. If the men had turned in this
campaign, there would be no talk of heroes. Women’s football in this country
will never advance until it is regarded dispassionately and not patronised
with hollow praise. We have not moved beyond the notion that girls playing
football is jolly super and medals all round for trying. No doubt another
batch of MBE’s will follow this heroic campaign.
Michel money-go-round
Michel Platini, the Uefa president, has written to the main European political
leaders attempting to recruit them in his fight against “the malign and ever
present influence of money” in football. This would, of course, not be the
Michel Platini that, as a player, upgraded from Nancy to St-Etienne and then
signed for Juventus, one of the richest teams in the world, where he
remained for the remainder of his career. That Platini clearly knew the
value of money to the game: which is why he followed it.
Please mind the gap
There is a £15 million discrepancy between what the Trinidad & Tobago
Football Federation says it earned from the 2006 World Cup, and the sum
calculated by a team of lawyers representing its short-changed players. Jack
Warner, who runs football on the islands as well as acting as Fifa
vice-president, has offered the team a paltry £498 each and banned those
individuals who protested from representing the country. Fifa, the game’s
world governing body, will not refer the matter to its ethics committee,
claiming it is a domestic issue. This is why Sepp Blatter’s organisation has
no credibility whatsoever.
Keep schtum Sam
Sam Allardyce, the Newcastle United manager, says that Michael Owen will not
need an operation to cure his hernia problem. Others are unconvinced and say
that if Owen requires surgery it will take place during the ten-day break
for internationals next month, depriving England of their match-winner for
the visit to Russia. It is fair to say, if Allardyce still has international
ambitions, he would be wise to resist this plan of action. Not if he hopes
to receive a call from the FA again.
Not so grand Kenyon
Apparently rabbits now have their own phrase for when one of their number
stands transfixed by the sight of an oncoming car at night. “Like a Kenyon
caught in the headlights,” they say.
martin.samuel@thetimes.co.uk
