There is always something special about the final Test of a tour when the series is in the balance, so the third Test here in Napier should make for great viewing when it begins tomorrow evening. Will you be watching? Unfortunately, I will probably be a spectator as well, rather than being out in the middle, which is where I would rather be.

Then again, the last time I wrote one of these columns I spoke of how much I was looking forward to playing in the second Test in Wellington. A few hours later I was dropped, which goes to show that you can never take anything for granted. So I have got to make sure that I am physically and mentally prepared to step straight back in for the deciding Test, if required. If not, I will have to make sure that I perform my duties as twelfth man and drinks waiter to the best of my abilities.

I was chuffed that the lads squared the series in Wellington, but I will not pretend that it was easy looking on from the sidelines. It is bad enough watching when you are injured, but worse still when you have been left out. You do not know where to put yourself in the dressing-room. It hurt like hell to be dropped. Playing for England is the biggest honour in the game, something I am aware of every time I pull on the shirt, and I will be doing everything I can to get back in the team as soon as possible.

I was sitting in the players’ viewing gallery in Wellington on the eve of the Test when Michael Vaughan and Peter Moores came up and gave me the bad news that I would not be playing. They said that they wanted to go with the bit of extra pace that Jimmy Anderson would give them.

The news came as a shock because it was the first time I had been dropped since the tour to Sri Lanka in December 2003. It is not that I took my place in the team for granted. Far from it. It was just that I did not expect to be left out for that game.

I felt it was a harsh decision. I accept that I did not perform well in the first innings in Hamilton but thought that I had rectified that in the second innings. Once we had moved on to Wellington, I felt I was bowling really well in practice. So to be dropped on the back of one bad game – perhaps two, because I was not at my best in the last Test in Sri Lanka – was tough to take. I suppose it was just my bad luck that the selectors decided to be ruthless.

In such a situation you can either sulk and take your bat and ball home, or you can knuckle down, give of your best and make sure that the selectors have no option but to pick you next time. I am not the sort of person to go off in a strop, so I will be plumping for the latter course of action. When the Test matches are back-to-back, there is not much opportunity to play yourself back into the team, but I will be running in for Yorkshire next month determined to win back that place.

The hardest part of watching was when the team were gathering on the outfield for their huddle. I could not help wondering what was being said and it felt a little strange that I was not out there.

Later in the game, even though I was happy that we were doing well, there was a slight sense of emptiness that I had not been able to contribute to the success. Don’t get me wrong, I am not feeling sorry for myself, just being honest about how it feels to be in this tricky situation.

The ones I feel really sorry for are my family, who had flown for 26 hours to watch me play in Wellington. I could not help but feel that I had let them down.

I left the ground promptly after the match to allow the lads who had done all the hard work to enjoy their victory. We then all joined up for a really good evening in the hotel, where I felt much more comfortable about joining the celebrations. Several drinks were consumed and we had a good old singsong with our resident guitarists – Graeme Swann is one of the musicians, he is a bit of a showman. Tim Ambrose is the other strummer and I think he is actually better than Swanny, but he is a shy lad so he keeps it quiet.

Let’s hope we are celebrating again in a few days’ time. Whether you are in the team or not, England victories are what we are all hoping for.

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• Graham Spiers