Steve McClaren had seen England’s friendly against Spain as a mission to “win back” the fans. But, given that the fans have never really had much faith in McClaren in the first place, he may have been looking for drama in the wrong place. Surely the England head coach’s real challenge last night — probably the steepest of his short time at the helm — was to entertain a nation sufficiently to stop it drifting off, as the second half got under way, to watch What’s Eating Victoria Beckham? on Five.

And let’s be fair, in this unenviable task, McClaren was hindered by the usual prefriendly cry-offs. This time the list of the unavailable or otherwise uninterested featured, among a cast of thousands, Wayne Bridge (thigh), Ashley Cole (knee) and Wayne Rooney (runny nose). McClaren’s further decision to drop Paul Robinson before Paul Robinson could drop anything else was clearly a pragmatic one, but it lowered the potential comedy quotient by about 57 per cent, so, again, the casual viewer might have felt short-changed.

Furthermore, when McClaren said he was hoping to play “4-4-2 with a bit of 4-3-3”, was this a cunningly flexible plan or the off-putting, floppy decision-making that characterised the Sven-Göran Eriksson era?

Speaking of Sven, last week, under the terms of his payoff, the departed Swede’s wages from the FA halved to only £6,500 a day. If he wasn’t unemployed, he could go on strike. As it is, he’s just got to sit there and take it. And what does £6,500 per day buy you these days? Answer: a day’s worth of nothing from Sven.

Expert View

Coming up short, technically, is at the root of England’s problem. They do everything in a rush

Tony Cascarino

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Background

• No answers to Spanish inquisition

• Listless England are left with little to go on

• McClaren fails to come up with worthwhile solution

• Nearly men struggle for X-factor as Sven ghost proves hard to exorcise

Anyway, Sven’s replacement was obliged to refer to last night’s team selection as, not his A team or his B team, but his “X team” — another blow, where none was needed, to the self-esteem of Shaun Wright-Phillips, who would probably have settled for thinking of himself as a second-string possibility, but now has to reconcile himself to the thought that he is much farther down in the national head coach’s thinking.

In this area, Mark Lawrenson, co-commentating for the BBC, repeated the line about how Wright-Phillips’s problems are down to lack of confidence. But if only it was just confidence that he lacked. Unfortunately, other people’s lists of things that the Chelsea winger seems to be without have been known to include ball control — particularly in the matter of a first touch — concentration and also tactical awareness. Ah, well. Maybe those things will come — and with them, confidence.

In the build-up during the day, Sky Sports News had bravely referred to last night’s occasion as “the first England match of 2007”, a billing which might have carried a knuckle-whitening resonance if anybody thought about football in terms of years rather than seasons. Interviewed on the same channel, on the forecourt at Old Trafford, David Davies, too, did what he could by insisting: “A friendly against Spain is an exciting event.”

Interestingly, Sky’s reporter referred to Davies as “sir”. Good to see that old-fashioned politeness and deference haven’t entirely fled television journalism in this increasingly casual age. Strange, though, to find those things reserved exclusively for retired spin doctors in big scarves and overcoats.

On the BBC, Gary Lineker, with the knowing sigh of someone who has been there before, found himself accurately characterising the game as, “not exactly enthralling but mildly encouraging in some aspects”. That’s entertainment, folks. But let’s not forget those three heart-in-mouth moments in the game’s first half.

The first came when Gary Neville stroked the ball gently back to his own goalkeeper from a position narrowly to one side of the penalty area (we’ve seen them go in from there). The second was when Ben Foster, again under pressure from Neville, with a throw-in, had literally to use his head to clear the danger. And the third was when Morientes found himself in front of an open goal, only to make what Victoria Beckham would call “a meal of it”.

Incidentally, Victoria’s problem, according to the various style journalists and fickle acquaintances who accepted a fee to contribute to Five’s less than tender examination of her changing appearance, is “body angst”, leading to “body image issues”. Oh, and she had “bad skin” in the Eighties. Not that I turned over to have a peep, you understand. What? With McClaren’s X team being mildly encouraging in some aspects against Spain? Who could stand to miss a minute of that?