Is this the end for Dida? Some say the AC Milan goalkeeper will never again be taken seriously after his reactions at Celtic Park this week. I’m not so sure. If you weigh up the contributing factors, you see how it may be too soon to write him off.

He goes to ground late - I don’t think there’s any question about that. This is the reason why people are asking themselves: did he fall or was he pushed a minute or so earlier? But think how much has to go through the Brazil international’s mind in those critical moments after the 27-year-old pitch invader comes on and flicks him.

First he has got to respond to his natural instinct to go after his attacker and flick him back. Then he has got to remember that this might not, in fact, be so smart, from an escalation point of view. Then he’s got to travel back through his memory, recall the time in 2005 when a flare thrown by an Inter Milan fan struck him on the shoulder, and realise that, if he falls over convincingly enough, the match gets abandoned and the points get awarded to Milan, thus, on this occasion, snatching an unlikely victory from the jaws of defeat.

It’s an awful lot for a goalkeeper to process in a split second, especially within the pressure-cooker atmosphere of the live match situation and just after he has conceded a goal. And some will say that Dida should have dropped to his knees quicker. But I don’t think there is a footballer in the world today who would have had the speed of mind and reflex required to hit the pitch faster in this particular context, with the possible exception of Cristiano Ronaldo and, maybe, Ruud van Nistelrooy, back when he was in his pomp.

Another thing: I don’t think the fan has done Dida any favours by going in with his fingers. Bear in mind this was in Glasgow, at night. You would have expected him to lead with the head at the very least. In fact, the full extent of the fan’s ambition seems to be to deliver Dida a pat on the cheek in mock consolation after shipping the goal.

I’m not saying that this diminished version of an assault might not have been infuriating in its own way had the fan pulled it off properly. But it’s not exactly the bunched fist, broken bar-stool or lit firework that Dida’s thorough pre-match preparations and previous experiences might have led him to expect.

In any case, the camera angle from behind the goal suggests the fan’s outstretched fingers missed the cheek and ended up patting Dida on the collarbone. Again, we don’t criticise the fan for that. The “running chuck” is one of the most difficult patronising gestures in the pitch invaders’ repertoire. Attempting to pull off a “running chuck” while “on a mazy” (the technical term for a meandering run with arms outstretched, aeroplane-style) is ambitious to the point of lunacy. Nevertheless, from Dida’s point of view, the result is a blow that is no blow at all and, in the end, you can work only with what you’re given.

In this respect, credit to the Milan medical team. It’s so easy to overlook the efforts of the backroom staff on occasions such as these, but this was a night when the anonymous servants publicly came good. It’s not just about knowing which prop to choose (the exquisite ice pack in this case), it’s about knowing how to use that prop to maximise the dramatic potential, and the decision to apply the ice pack to the prone Dida’s temple was little short of genius in this context, suggesting, as it did, not just immense physical trauma but also the onset of a possibly life-endangering fever.

Worst of all, though, where are the back four? Review the tape once more and you will see how Dida is utterly and unforgivably exposed. Nobody picks up the invader and he drifts across the penalty area completely unmarked. It’s a criminal lack of protection that Dida is getting from his defence here, especially at Champions League level, and if more bodies had been around to get involved, then who knows what might have been made to seem to happen?

I hope the Brazilian took his teammates to task for it afterwards. And I hope those teammates, in turn, gave Dida due plaudits for at least having the courage to make a stand on their behalf, albeit by lying down.

Here’s a Terry mask we made earlier

Doubtless it’s only a matter of time before a replica John Terry plastic mask is on sale at the Chelsea Megastore and other outlets. Can’t wait until then to get that “I’ve just had my face busted by an elbow at home to Fulham, but that’s not going to stop me from playing in a critical Champions League match four days later” look? Then do it yourself at home with our easy-to-make cheek protector.

You will need: a roll of clear Sellotape, a pair of scissors and a steady hand. Take the end of the Sellotape and apply it to the centre of your forehead, pressing down firmly with your fingers. Continuing to hold the end in place, pass the Sellotape across your forehead to the top of your left ear. Make sure to keep the tape as tight as possible. Now bring the tape around the back of the ear and pass it across the cheek to the bridge of your nose, avoiding the nostrils. Carry on across the face and travel around the right ear from below before returning to the middle of the forehead. Detach the roll with the scissors and smooth down the loose end.

Hey presto – you’re ready to delight your family and friends with your resemblance to England’s captain and also to something off Dr Who. Hours of fun. (Warning: not to be attempted by anyone under 16 without adult supervision. Face mask is only a toy. Surgery could still be necessary. Putting your head in where it hurts in defensive situations may not be advisable.)

Next week: an utterly convincing Petr Cech protective helmet from an old Shreddies box and some sticky-back plastic.

- Portsmouth 7 Reading 4? Tottenham Hotspur 4 Aston Villa 4? As the late, lamented José Mourinho once remarked: “This is a hockey score, no?” Indeed. We celebrate this outbreak of Mad Goal Disease (MGD) at our peril and pray that it doesn’t prove to be viral, for the truth is, you only get a score like 7-4 or 4-4 in a match bursting to the point of comedy with incompetence. Therefore MGD does not merely undermine the Premier League’s claim to be the best league in the world, it also poses a threat to the fabric of football itself, the unique appeal of which, as everyone knows, is based on the scarcity of goals relative to the amount of time played.

Portsmouth, Reading, Spurs and Villa should be ashamed of themselves and ideally need to be placed in a government-regulated exclusion zone until such time as they test negative for MGD. They also need to look to the “big four” clubs for guidance. Arsenal, Manchester United, Liverpool and Chelsea managed only three goals between them last weekend. That’s more like it. One-nil – this is a football score, no?