As Euro 2008 moves on, the handy, sustaining diet of two televised games per day has given way to one, twin-channel “simulcast”. One sees the sporting logic underpinning this development, with places in the quarter-finals on the line, but it's a grievous blow, essentially halving the viewer's daily live fun and introducing questions of skill and judgment with the remote control that were never an issue when the matches were laid out separately.

Couldn't everyone involved in the day's second match spend the day's first game in a soundproof booth with a blindfold and headphones on? It works on Mr & Mrs.

Too late now. We're fated to see matches such as Switzerland v Portugal relegated to ITV4. Not that anybody had mentioned relegation to Clive Tyldesley, whose response to the second Switzerland goal - in what was, let's remember, a dead rubber - will be right up there with the top optimistic commentary moments at the tournament's end: “Nobody sleeps in Basle tonight.” Bank on it. When it comes to blowing the joint apart after a meaningless group-stage victory over an understrength and already-qualified Portugal, no other nation sets off a can of party string like those goodtime-crazy Swiss.

Meanwhile, on the main channel, Turkey were coming from behind to defeat the Czech Republic and Jon Champion, the commentator, was saying: “If a spaceship landed in the centre circle, direct from Mars, I wouldn't be surprised now.”

Well, it's a point of view. My feeling is that, even in the immediate wake of Turkey overturning a two-goal deficit, proof of the existence of alien life would still have had something to offer, surprise-wise. And that's before we even factor in the coincidence of that proof coming in the middle of a football stadium, live on television.

Champion would probably urge me to remember that we had just seen Petr Cech drop a simple cross for the Turkey equaliser - a rare moment indeed, although I do recall a similar howler at the Emirates Stadium last season. I'm not saying it happens often. But an alien landing would plausibly still have the jump on it for frequency and subsequent news-generation.

The real story at this European Championship is the co-commentators who are creating more and more room for themselves, to the point where they may eventually take over from commentators completely. We ran a clock on the BBC's Mark Bright the other day (in the absence of Opta-style, official statistical performance print-outs for pundits, this is what we are reduced to), believing him to be by some measure the most loquacious co-commentator. For the duration of our study, the former Crystal Palace striker was producing a comment per minute, which is going some.

By comparison with Jim Beglin, though, Bright was hardly breathing. ITV's analyst produced 75 individual comments in the second half of Turkey v Czech Republic. On average, then, he was producing a comment every 39.2sec (allowing four minutes for time added on). Not even Big Ron Atkinson, in the days before the decline and fall of his punditry empire, started up that often. It's a wonder that Champion gets to say anything, let alone discuss aliens.

Back in ITV's London-based bunker, Andy “Look, hey” Townsend has less room, in every sense, but grabs what he can. “Look - hey, listen,” he might say, or, “Look, hey - what a finish, by the way.”

There was controversy the other night, though, when Townsend observed, of Jan Koller, the mighty Czech forward, “Servet was, literally, right up his backside.” I didn't see any of that myself, but, look, hey, if I had, I would have felt, like Townsend, duty bound to mention it.

After a weekend off, the BBC returned to action yesterday, visibly relieved that Alan Shearer has clarified his position in relation to the manager's job at Blackburn Rovers. All praise to Shearer for waving his suitors away. After all, he is under contract with the BBC to sit in a chair, and how often in football these days do we find someone who is prepared to honour the terms of his deal and not break it at the first sniff of a proper job? Would that the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo had even an ounce of the Geordie goalscorer's moral integrity with regard to his employment.

Clubs need to take a good hard look at themselves in this area, too. First Newcastle United came sniffing after Shearer's services, and then Blackburn. And in the middle of a big tournament, too. The BBC should launch an official complaint to Fifa at these persistent and unprincipled attempts to unsettle its player.