STEVE McCLAREN swears by it, Sir Clive Woodward reckoned it was indispensable and 12 out of 20 Barclays Premiership clubs have signed up for it in the 2006-07 season. We’re talking about ProZone, the computerised data analysis system that’s setting the football coaching world alight.

Want to know the exact total distance in kilometres run by Stewart Downing during England’s friendly against Greece? Want to see every movement made by Gary Neville reproduced in the form of a coloured arrow? Want to see Peter Crouch expressed as a graph? You’ll be needing ProZone — or access to McClaren’s briefcase where, every indication is, these critical statistics are now carefully filed.

Yet even as its hold on the professional game tightens and its disciples increase in number, mystery continues to shroud this leading-edge diagnostic tool — about how it works, what it really tells us and exactly what the coaches do with all those hundreds of computer print-outs when they have finished looking at them. Allow us, then, to settle your minds, dispel some of your anxieties and answer your most pressing questions to date about ProZone.

Do you need a prescription for ProZone, or can it be bought over the counter?

ProZone is freely available, in software and hardware form. McClaren first introduced the system during his time at Derby County and there is no evidence to suggest that he was under the doctor at the time.

How does ProZone function?

An elaborate system of cameras and sensors tracks the movements and actions of every player on the pitch, ultimately revealing the number and duration of their sprints, jogs and dribbles, the distance and destiny of their passes and how much time they spend getting in the face of the assistant referee. The information is then made available for analysis in highly confidential statistical print-outs and in two-dimensional pictorial reconstructions, which tend to look, to the untutored eye — and possibly even to the tutored one — like the onset of a particularly horrible migraine.

Can I get ProZone by pressing the red button on my remote?

Not yet. As of now, alternative red-button services during football matches are mostly restricted to betting opportunities and fans shouting at each other in an unhelpful way. Occasionally, one of the more technically advanced television pundits will make an educational point using “the electronic pen”, which leaves a quivering white line, or “snail-trail”, across the screen. But these efforts stand in much the same relation to ProZone as cave paintings do to cinematography.

How much would it cost me to install my own ProZone system for 2006-07?

The best information is that £200,000 secures a full Premiership-style ProZone package for the coming campaign, though note that Carling Cup ties may not be included in the price. For some reason, people tend not to be particularly interested in analysing those.

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£200,000? Isn’t this another example of the ordinary fan being priced out of the game?