That was a phenomenally impressive start from Danny Cipriani in the England No10 shirt on Saturday. And believe me, from where I was sitting on the England bench for most of the game, it was a joy to watch.

I guess it is only human nature, but I have been asked what it was like to watch him play so well at No10, the position I like to play. The answer is simple: it was fantastic and I was genuinely delighted for him.

The sad thing is that in years gone by, that might not have been the case. I can't deny that when Charlie Hodgson was making his mark on that position, I found it very hard to accept. Two, three years ago, when I used to attend international games when I was injured, the experience was not about watching and supporting England, or even Charlie, it was about me. In my mind, I invariably turned the situation right on to myself. It's a strange thing to do given this is a team sport, but if someone was playing well in my position, I'd be thinking: people are looking at me, they're thinking about what all this means to me.

And I acknowledge that while I'd be thinking: “I hope the team do well,” there was also a small part of me that was fearing the guy playing in my position and worrying “what if?”, if he did well.

But what is a mindset like that all about? How can you call yourself a team man if you are thinking that?

When Charlie was playing well, marshalling the game and really asserting himself, I'd know that the camera was panning in on me. I know that's the way the media works and I accept that, but I used to be sitting there thinking: “How should I react if Charlie is playing well and the camera goes on me?” Because I'm not an exhibitionist so I'm not about to stand and roar with delight, but I can't just sit there and do nothing, either.

That's how much I thought about myself. But I was living in a different world then, where fear and doom were related to the different eventualities of my existence. Who was I without rugby? - that was the kind of question I'd be dealing with. Who am I if I don't play for England again? I'd be thinking: “Everyone's image of me has changed.” I was seriously spiralling downwards.

But I've now got a better handle on it. Now I think: “It's so simple, it's not about me, it's about the team.” So when I was watching on Saturday, I was purely thinking: “I hope the team do well.” And my only real thought for myself was that I needed to be alert and prepare for when or if I came on. I knew I was covering 10 and 12 and so I kept my eyes on that.

And so to Danny, who played brilliantly. What can I say? I'll always remain a person that strives and is desperate to do well. But I certainly had none of that sense of fear in seeing Danny put in such a great performance. Because if I did, I'd be back to where I was before. I can't start putting labels on things like when am I going to be No10 again?

When Charlie was at the top of his game, I'd have said: “Just let me play in the next World Cup.” I'd have settled for that.

But if you think like that, it's never going to end. Because there'll always be something, I'd always be asking for one more game at No 10.

Don't get me wrong, I deeply want one. But who knows what's going to happen? The future might not have the perfect answer. The joy for me cannot hang on the label - me, the England No10 - but in the striving; the eternal quest to make the most of myself.

Does it affect me that no one's going to wave to me in the street any more? No, it doesn't. They'll be waving at Danny after Saturday's game and deservedly so.