Rod Liddle
Star musicians and your favourite Times writers at the Albert Hall
THRILLED as I was to watch England squeak home against a team of amiable
goatherds in midweek - the Swiss second XI, more or less – it is not so much
the quality of the football that has entertained me during Fabio Capello’s
brief tenure. It is the other stuff.
You would think that there is scarcely a more difficult job in the world than
turning this distracted and effete England team into world-beaters – but
Signore Capello has found it: turning the England players into sentient and
respectful individuals. His rules for the training sessions last week were
magnificently funny. Not only did the players have to turn up to the table
to eat at the same time as everybody else, they were also forbidden to leave
the table until everyone else had finished. No, Ferdinand, you can’t get
down to play Rainbow Six Vegas on your Xbox until Ger-rard has finished his
pudding, just sit there and be patient. And stop dribbling into your napkin,
it’s not clever or funny.
These are the sort of rules parents impose upon children at preschool age,
somewhere between that mind-numbing Thomas the Tank Engine stage and the
terrible appearance of the first Roboreptile. The players were also
addressed crisply by their surnames (no more of that bloody “Stevie G” and
“Lamps”) and forbidden to play with their mobile phones. In short, they were
treated in the manner you might have encountered in an early Edwardian
reformatory – and, better still, Capello let the press and the public know
that this was how he intended to treat them and that he didn’t really care
if they liked it or not.
As a piece of public relations, this was stupendously good stuff; maybe I am
wrong, but I suspect that there is not an enormous reservoir of goodwill out
there towards England’s international footballers. I have the suspicion that
an awful lot of people consider them to be dissolute, pampered cretins
possessed of a ludicrously high opinion of themselves, divested entirely of
humility, a sense of responsibility, good taste, even a primitive command of
the English language, a moral compass and indeed footballing ability.
And so Fabio’s strictures will have found happy accord from Workington to
Weymouth.
Even if England never win another game of football, it will at least give the
viewing public a certain cruel pleasure to know that they are not being
indulged behind the scenes. Capello is probably the first national manager
since Ron Greenwood (and with the possible exception, oddly enough, of Glenn
Hod-dle) not to consider himself either one of the lads or a kind and
doddery uncle who does not quite understand the full meaning of in loco
parentis. His attitude towards the players seemed to be one of patience
bordering on mild distaste, which is exactly as it should be.
But it is not just good public relations; call me the eternal optimist, but it
may just have one or two beneficial consequences on the field of play. Let
us make a fairly large assumption – that the present crop of England players
are at least one-fiftieth as good as they think they are, that there really
is a degree of talent in the ranks, but a talent that rarely shows itself on
the international stage. My suspicion has always been that England’s
problems are psychological; that they believe that they are good enough to
beat the likes of Trinidad and Tobago – and indeed Croatia – simply by
turning up; that passion and commitment are not really required at all
because they are proven geniuses of the game and running around, sweating,
doing the ugly stuff, is really quite beneath them.
It was certainly the case during the European Championship qualifying games
that the players who shone were those who had not attained the exalted
status of being an automatic choice for England, so that they still had
something to prove – your Emile Heskeys, Gareth Barrys and so on. The
tendency of the England regulars – perfectly epitomised by Paul Robinson
and, during the last World Cup, Frank Lamp-ard, was to serially underperform
and then, during the postmatch press conference, to blame outrageous
misfortune for an adverse result. I reckon they won’t be able to get away
with that for much longer.
By chipping away at their exalted status and treating the players in the
manner we would treat them, given the chance, Capello has identified the
root cause of England’s chronic and dispiriting history of failure. And
dropping David Beckham and making Michael Owen sulk on the bench for 90
minutes reinforced the philosophy. Reasons to be very cheerful then. Hell,
carry on like this and we might even nick a point off Andorra.

Rod Liddle is the most controversial commentator on sport in the British media. Previously the editor of BBC Radio 4’s Today programme and now a columnist with The Spectator, he brings an often outrageous and always provocative fan's view to The Sunday Times every week
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Much as I agree with Capello Law, it should not have been necessary to lay it down. It may be possible to enforce civilized behaviour in this way, after all he has a powerful blackmail card - namely selection - but unfortunately you cannot alter character, the next most important ingredient of a winning team after ability.
Brian Lec, Brighton, England
Capello for the next Speaker in the House of Commons.The present indisciplined and untalented set of MPs need to be retrained .....and it would tap into the same vein of contempt with which our footballers are regarded
c adams, quimper, france
Good stuff Mr Capello! Look at the footballers on weekend, they behave like little kids! At least he is trying to get them to learn about respect. It is the small things that make people change their attitude and manners....
Good stuff!! Mr C
Andrew, weymouth,
I would like to do one single comment on Rod Liddle's comments.
Your wrote: "Not only did the players have to turn up to the table to eat at the same time as everybody else, they were also forbidden to leave the table until everyone else had finished (...) .These are the sort of rules parents impose upon children at preschool age, (...)"
This is clear a deep cultural difference between a country like England and the Southern European countries. This is something usual at those countries family's houses. Is a sign of 'we are a family, we like each other, and we respect each other'. And more, we take the chance (at lunch, dinner, etc.) to talk with each other, instead of just leave the room and go play Xbox. I really understand such a comment, but it is time to give the benefit of doubt to someone with real results in football. England national squad needs such a pragmatic coach to recover the time lost.
Nuno, Reading, UK
Spot on, Rod!
albert ross, Cleethorpes, UK
When I played with my schoolmates a hard match full of passion, one of those that leaves you satisfied and full of dignity for you and your opponents even if you lose, we used to say "è stata una partita all'inglese!" (it was an England-like match). That was for us the best teaching of English soccer, I think it's only good if England recovers that spirit. Were I Capello I just would be more cautious as not to humiliate the guys in public.
Massimo Mascia, Cagliari, Italy
Seems to me Capello could do some good with the Australian Cricket Team too!
Thanks for the read.
Gerry, Sydney, Australia
I think the new look England set up played very well against Switzerland. I am astonished at the critism raised over the performance. I think the set up of the team and the mentallity set up by Fabio Capello could take us a good way in the next world cup i am very happy indeed with the direction of the team. Well Done England
Andrew Pace, Glasgow,
Isn't it the media that have hyped up the Golden Generation and not the players themselves? Maybe Cappello could find some rules to the British media into line.
David, Oslo, Norway
Wonderful Capello some discipline at last. Can we offer him the job in charge English schools? This would right so many wrongs in this country.
Kid Nosilla , Norwich, Norfolk
I dont think that Rod says anything controversial in this article. He is just reporting on the common sense approach adopted by Mr Capello.
Steve, Madrid,
Where was I competition 10th February 2008.
National Trail: The Southdowns Way
Broadcaster John Arlott
Barbara Mayne, London,
Mr Liddle
Put them in Barracks with bunkbeds, an aircraft hanger was all the 62 England squad in chile had.
You think I am joking?That would instill some team spirit.
Only Roy Keane would disagree with that.
nick ramsey, london,
As a follower of Scotland I winessed for myself the passion and committment of the Italy team in their recent win at Hampden. The players had a raw determination that day, even though they are world cup winners and could easily have gone through the motions. If Capello brings that kind of discipline and determination to England, even though the England players are wildly overated, they can become a real challenger in world football. Lack of patience may be their undoing.
Gerry, Glasgow,
Lets hope that he is pushing himself just as hard learning how to speak English agree with Paul get rid of the premadonas.
moriarty, Bath, England
Absolutley Right.
Get them sharing rooms in basic hotels when they travel to away games, as many other sports do, as well. Anything to bring some depth and accountability to these fragile, pampered characters.
RJJ Reykjavik
robert, reykjavik,
Capello is a worker.
The England players will have to graft or they will be out. When they are preparing for a match under Capello, that is what they will be doing, 24/7. There will be no "free time" so Rio and Co may as well leave their X-Boxes at home.
Players like Bentley and Young will get an extended chance to prove themselves and I really hope they take it.
I hope Capello uses the time he has to build and groom a new team. The old guard had enough chances and couldn't make it happen.
Andy, Bath,
I think we will soon see the failurues; Beckham, Terry, Ferdinand, Owen, Cole, Lampard, all gone from the England squad. Please God. They had their chance and they blew it.
Paul Smith , London,
Truly excellnt and accurate piece, thanks for making my day Mr Liddle.
Monty, Scarborough,
Terrific column.
Very much on point. That is clearly telling it like it is.
Good stuff.
LouD, MB, USA/CA
What more can be added to Rod Liddle's superb piece on the 'England' team.
Other than most think they are above everybody else, that they are the gifted one's who only have to turn up for a match. And worse that they think like Beckham, Terry, Lampard, Ferdinand etc: that they are automatic choices with a God given right to an England shirt.
Judgement Day has arrived in the shape of Fabia Capello.
Peter Waller, Canberra on holiday from UK,
Excellent copy Mr Liddle, 3am prompt...and tapping into the rich vein of bile currently being directed towards the darlings of England, Messrs Ashley Cole et al.
Tom, st.pete,