Simon Barnes, Chief Sports Writer
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Woody Allen, in his stand-up days, claimed that he played baseball at his local psychiatric institution, turning out regularly for the Paranoid team: “I used to steal second base and feel guilty.” The complexities of this joke, of this sporting state of mind, seem to whisper secret truths about Stephen Harmison.
Perhaps he feels guilty when he hits a batsman, beats him all ends up, takes his wicket. Perhaps he finds it hard to live with the part of himself that makes great men look like fools, that part of himself that creates dismay and disappointment, that fills his opponents with self-doubt and self-disgust.
Sometimes he seems to resent his power, like a tormented superhero in a Marvel comic. He has been given great powers – the power to hurry the greatest and terrify the rest, the power to force an error from any batsman who ever took guard, the power to blast out an entire team with the force of his nature.
He can work sporting miracles, but, like Bruce Banner, he is not happy about what the process does to himself. It is not always comfortable to turn into the Incredible Hulk: “Hulk is sick of words! Hulk will smash!” Sometimes it would be nicer to be the nice guy.
In the comic, Banner always does turn back – seething with horror and resentment – into the Hulk. Alas for the England cricket team, Harmison doesn’t invariably turn back into the Monster of Sabina Park, the bowling hero who in 2004 blasted West Indies to smithereens in as fine a fast-bowling performance as has ever been seen.
The fact of the matter is that Harmison is a fully paid-up member of the Sensitive Fast Bowlers’ Union – a body of talented, temperamental men whose skills never seemed suited to their natures: Andrew Caddick, for ever fearful of rejection; Chris Old, full of saucy doubts and fears. John Snow never lacked confidence, but he sneaked off to write poetry, a mighty fellow with an inner Fotherington-Thomas.
Harmison is a decent man, a strong man, a brave man. After that never-to-be-forgotten first ball in the Ashes series of last winter – the one that went straight to second slip – he admitted that it happened because he was nervous, too wound up, got it wrong. And yet it was his power and his accuracy, his self-belief and his willingness to create havoc, that were vital parts in England’s victory in the Ashes series of 2005.
The England batsmen had West Indies flat on their backs in this Test match, but the bowlers failed to jump on them. Matthew Hoggard broke down injured, Harmison failed. West Indies fought back with great spirit and it was too much for him. Not that he didn’t try. He gave it everything – he always does – but his accuracy, his menace, his spite were missing. You can never quite escape the feeling that he would sooner be playing centre half for Newcastle United.
A fast bowler needs to relish the fear he creates. This is not always a physical fear – just as often it is the simple sportsman’s fear of losing the contest, the fear of being mastered. But Harmison does not enjoy his mastery. In a dismaying way, he sometimes seems more comfortable with himself as a second-rater, an honest trier, a good fellow who is first class of the second class. I have nothing against such indispensable types, but Harmison is a world-beater. It’s just that he doesn’t really like beating the world.
Yesterday began with a chance of an England victory if the weather held and Harmison struck early. He responded by giving Matt Prior, the new wicketkeeper, a serious agility test, sending down the occasional good ball just to keep him on his toes. It was painful to watch because Harmison, as always, was doing all he could. He comes over as a man deeply unhappy with his lot.
I once rang a taxi firm to ask what had happened to my car and was unexpectedly asked: “How would you like to be a bloody taxi driver?” Sometimes, I think Harmison is going to ask in a tormented fury: “How would you like to be the best fast bowler in the bloody world?”
Simon Barnes is the multi-award-winning chief sportswriter at The Times. He also writes a Saturday column on wildlife. His 15 books include three novels and the best-selling How To Be A Bad Birdwatcher. His latest, The Meaning of Sport, was published last autumn. He lives in Suffolk with his family and five horses
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Simon Barnes is probably correct to say Steve Harmison finds it hard to be beastly to opposing batsmen and that same trait of un-killer instinct runs through the England team maybe with exception of the South African Kevin Pieterson.
The England players are a likeable bunch with Matthew Hoggard, Monty Panesar and Andrew Flintoff summing up their easy going nature.
Also it was nice touch to see one of the former greats Ian Botham helping Harmison in the nets during the Lord's Test and coach Peter Moores didn't seem put out after Beefy's training session.
Maybe the old grey heads should do more of this!
Steve Bell, London,
Harold Larwood was also, by all accounts, a lovely man. Didn't stop him trying to 'kill' the Aussies on the Bodyline tour did it? This article is pure psychobabble I'm afraid. Harmison's problems are technical. Look not in his head for an explanation of his inaccuracy but at the non-alignment of wrist and seam. At the moment he's releasing the bowl like an off-spinner rather than a seamer. It was Cooley that made Harmison the bowler he was in 2004/05, when he left Harmison went back to mediocrity. Not as interesting an explanation as yours Simon, but one much nearer the truth mate.
Bill, Sheffield,
Poor old Stephen Harmison, he will probably end up a pretty good medium pace county bowler taking heaps of wickets. All the tools in physical attributes will not make up for a lack of talent between the ears.
he is cricket's Stephen Gerrard, great at club level but put him in the world arena on the international stage and we would be better of with Rachel Heyho Flint (thats a blast from the past) in both Cricket and Football
Michael Holloway, Sydney, Australia/ NSW
There has never been a truer statement than "Form is temporary and class is permenant"
Harmison is a form bowler, and at 6ft whatever can be terrifying. The next day who knows. We all want him to be Curtly Ambrose, but may have to accept that he may never be.
I reckon he should just run in and bounce the hell out of them in the next test. If he scons a few guys he may work out what he is actually meant to be trying to do.
Thaitaff, Bangkok,
I dunno, Monty doesn't seem to have a problem combining the long-clawed lion with the fluffy vegetarian. Harmison's problem is probably simpler - running up to bowl with a vivid mental picture of a horrendous wide marked "don't". All he needs is a his own highlights reel and a day's work with Paul McKenna.
Ellie, London,
Q: What makes a sportsman good vs great?
Answer: consistancy of performance over a long period of time.
I am sick of people making excuses for Steve Harmison. The reality is that he is an eratic bowler and always will be. And hence no more than an average bowler. He managed an 18 month period back in 2004 when he was consistant but that is all. He has been playing Test cricket for England for >4yrs but has been a class bowler for less than 50% of the time.
All class players have dips in form Lara, Tendulkar, Hayden, Ponting etc.. But they dont spend half their career playing poorly!
We need to accept that Steve Harmison is an inacurate pace bowler in the mold of Devon Malcolm who will produce a performance about 1 in 6 or 7 games. The selectors then need to decide if that is better than the rest ie. Mahmood, Plunkett, Anderson. End off!
Rams, London, England
Its simple. He is just not accurate enough and hence not a threat when he is not bowling at the batsman. That is not because he is a nice guy, it is because he is not good enough. Peroid...
Karthik, USA,
I think that the problem with Harmison is that he was billed as the next big thing by all concerned with English cricket, when he humiliated a very poor West Indies team on very helpful bowling wickets. Since then he has proven to be a difficult bowler to face only on wickets that offer a lot of assistance, on wickets with a lot less 'juice' in them he has been shown to be a very mediocre bowler. English fans and pundits seem to be totally oblivious to the fact that he is the bowling equivelent of a flat track bully, and having the pressure of expectancy on him when he clearly is not up to it is what is probably causing to bowl even worse than he is capable of.
Amit Puri, London, England
Proclaiming Stephen Harmison to be the best fast bowler in the world is like proclaiming Greg Rusedski to be the greatest left handed tennis player who every lived. Utterly ridiculous. What space-time continuum is Simon barnes living in?
Daniel Klawansky, Johannesburg, South Africa
Fabulous response Dilip. I saw Harmison "bowl" at Lilac Hill on the Ashes tour in 2003 - 16 wides in 7 overs including 8 in one 14 ball over. The funny part was that each wide ball in that over was exactly the same. I left thegame thinking that England had serious problems, and (granted there were injuries) it proved to be so. Harmison improved, but apart from odd spells he has never impressed me for very long. My response to Simons closing question if Harmison were to ask it would be "no good asking you mate!"
Michael Hill, Perth, Western Australia
This is a rather silly article. Mr Barnes attributes to Harmison all sorts of sublimely complex thoughts and motivations, without adducing an iota of evidence. I remember Statham, a splendid fast bowler, who appeared to be, at the same time, a most pleasant chap, with nary an unpleasant thought about the batsmen facing him. I remember arguing, as boys used to, whether Trueman's overt hostility at the other end was really necessary. Harmison, nice chap or not, seems on evidence to be quite sub-verbal and simple minded. Various technical deficiencies in his bowling, amplified as they often are by his chest-on position at delivery, have made him an unreliable bowler. Why keep him on for much longer? He doesn't seem to have the intelligence to change and continues to be an abjectly dismal tourist. Also, why attribute all sorts of noble motives to this rather inept cricketer, when the root cause may equally likely be, what was well enough understood in England past: lack of moral fibre.
Dilip Balamore, Patchogue, New York, USA
I dunno, Monty seems to be able to combine the sabre-wielding lion with the fluffy veggie quite easily.
I think H's problem is just that he runs with a brilliantly coloured mental picture of a horrendous wide marked "don't", instead of a picture of a good ball. A couple of days watching his own highlights reels with a decent hypnotist should sort him out.
Ellie, London,
Steve Harmison is mentally weak and should be seen nowhere near the English team. This is typical of English sport, too many living on reputation which they can no longer back up, and being carried by the other team members to our detriment. We need to be ruthless like the Aussies, then perhaps people will start performing.
Poor article Simon.
Roger, Swindon, Wilts
since when was Steve Harmison ever the best fast bowler in the world. One good series does not make a great anything.
Lee, Darwin, Australia
What a crying shame that Harmy appears unlikely to return to his best. I admit being begrudgingly in awe of his ability to stick it up our top order in '05.
Although, like all Aussies, I was delighted with our crushing reclamation of the Ashes, it was Harmy's poor showing that left me most disappointed in the Poms. I was truly looking forward to seeing our best batsmen tested again with his steepling bounce, awkward length and genuine pace. It was this contest in particular, that had me thrilled when we batted on Day One in Brisbane.
Like everyone else at the Gabba, I was amused at the first ball, but put it down to an understandable error in grip. Little did we know that it was indicative of a troubled man. More's the pity. Here's hoping that Harmy's exquisite bowling machine starts firing again. You don't sound hopeful.
At least you had a memorable encounter with a possum that night in Brisbane Simon. I know Geoffrey is busting to get back here soon. The red carpet awaits...
Peter McGuinness, Gold Coast,