AFTER ONE significant hammering in a school game decades ago, I remember my mother consoling me with marvellous news that I looked great in my jersey. It obviously made up for the pain of conceding all those points but it was a consolation surely not available yesterday from the mothers of any of the England team.

Some of us are not reckoned to be in the top bracket when it comes to assessment of fashion but I thought England looked ghastly and ridiculous. I’m not for a moment denying the impact and fund-raising capabilities of the replica jersey market but this kit, modelled by Danny Cipriani, is only going to sell to any member of the public wishing to look like a clown who has spent too long dallying in an abattoir.

You surely do not have to be a descendant of John Bull or a die-hard traditionalist to find England’s scarlet disaster yesterday offensive to the eye and the spirit. It would not be half as bad had not the designer simply tried too hard. No area of the jersey, shorts or socks was left without some dazzling and uneven white flash curving this way or that across it. Surely, some kind of sobriety and some kind of measured design would sit far easier on the shoulders of the national team.

Before England feel themselves singled out, the whole extra-jersey market has gone bananas. Scotland looked a joke team in the World Cup last year with their grey and pasty blue alternative strip, and Wales have just unveiled some kind of black and gold monstrosity, with a press release desperately trying to link the colours with some part of Welsh history.

This will be their away strip, apparently, so anyone who loves Wales and its traditions will be fervently hoping that never again do Wales play away. It is not so much that jerseys change so often, launching another replica strip on to the market, often at stiff costs. Anyone who has teenage children will know that these days, nobody wants to wear leisure gear until it almost literally walks away to the dustbin on its own.

People are desperate for the latest trends. That is all very well, but I’m afraid that tradition and national icons should not be insulted so often by so many There will always be a three-line whip on players so that they do not criticise the kit provided by their latest designer, marketeer and jersey supplier. But you have to wonder how often the England team, and teams of all nations indulging in similar insults, look at each other in embarrassment as they are donning the latest gear.

The other great topic of conversation around the bars at Twickenham last night was a the size of the crowd. There were just over 55,400, in many ways a decent attendance considering that England have four home international matches in four weeks, and with great respect to the Pacific Islanders, yesterday’s was the least auspicious of them.

But there is no question that the credit crunch is affecting sales. It is almost unheard of for tickets for major internationals at Twickenham to be on sale to the general public but at least until this weekend, it was possible to buy a few tickets for the later games this autumn.

It is not a comment on Twickenham ticket prices, although the top tickets now cost around £70.

It was a shame that those who did attend yesterday must have thought for a heart-stopping second when their heroes took the field that they had blundered into a giant fancy dress party.