Over the 51 Tests of his career as the England captain, Michael Vaughan has carved an image as a strong leader prepared to win at most costs. Standing down yesterday, he ripped away that mask to reveal the most human of personalities, crying as he spoke of the pride of his father and leaving with a burden removed from his life.

Captaining the country may indeed be an honour that comes to few, but to listen to Vaughan's emotional struggle for words it is also a challenge that brings on the highest levels of stress. The best of jobs, the worst of jobs. Or, as he described resigning, both the hardest decision he has ever had to make and the easiest.

The words stuck in his throat and he wiped away tears as he reached his family in a long list of thanks. “They have been a huge rock,” he said. “I know how proud my mum and dad have been. When I spoke to my dad he said, 'You can walk away a proud lad, you've given it everything.' That is all he ever asked me to do.” Although the timing came about because of England's loss to South Africa and his personal struggle for runs, Vaughan said that he thought about going after the victory in New Zealand in March. He agreed that the job may have a natural shelf life of four or so years, regardless of results. “But it does help if you win every game,” he said.

Suited, booted, flanked only by a press officer and sitting above the room where the selectors were choosing his successor at the National Cricket Centre in Loughborough, Vaughan said that he intended to spend the rest of the afternoon playing cricket with his young sons in the garden. He hinted that such games have become a rare luxury as the job dominated his life and affected his outlook on people and the world. “I have always tried to be me and over the past six to eight months I have not been me at home,” he said. “That is why I have come to this decision. I want to be me again.

“We live in a country where we all become a little bit cynical. I did not want to become a cynical old man, but I felt myself heading that way. I wanted to be the fresh, optimistic guy I have always been. I have put my heart and soul into the job, but I felt that if I'd kept going my career could have come to an abrupt end.”

He regretted not relaying the decision to his team-mates after the defeat at Edgbaston on Saturday. “I did not have it in me because we had lost a big game,” he said. “They were completely gutted and I didn't want to hit them with another message they were not going to be happy with. I hope they respect that.”

Looking ahead, his ambition of leading England into a second Ashes series has now gone. He said: “It is a fairytale to captain your country, but the real fairytale would have been to lift the urn next year. That is not going to be. My body is working well but my mind is not and my mind is telling me to go.

“One reason I've not been scoring runs is that my mind has not been fresh. To score runs at the highest level your focus has to be entirely on that particular job. Captaincy brings distractions, which have taken their toll. I can understand people saying I should carry on, but they are not inside my head.”

The success of 2005 also had a downside, which may be slight in the grand scheme of English cricket but had a big impact on Vaughan. “Maybe it became a bit more pressurised afterwards,” he said. “People expect you to be on that level on a consistent basis. Unfortunately that is just not possible all of the time.”

It was Andrew Flintoff who suffered the backlash from Australia, his England team losing 5-0 when Vaughan was recovering from a fourth knee operation. But the World Cup campaign back under his leadership fell flat because of outdated, unimaginative tactics and ill-chosen personnel. Subsequent Test results have been mixed.

“I think it is time for somebody else to give the team a new direction,” Vaughan said. “I have asked people in the past how they knew when it was time to go. They just said they knew. I came to that point a few weeks ago, that it would be right if we lost to South Africa. That has happened and it is the right time to move on.”