You have so much to concentrate on in the middle, how do you keep track of the balls in an over?

I use a clicker, like bouncers have outside a nightclub. I'd feel lost without it. I couldn't find it before a Twenty20 match last year and had to use half a dozen safety pins instead. Mark Benson uses pound coins and David Shepherd used the caps off bottles of Watneys Red Barrel.

Have you ever badly miscounted?

I've called a five or seven-ball over by mistake, but one of my colleagues, Peter Parker, once called an 11-ball over. A wicket fell to a great catch off the sixth ball and in his excitement he reset his clicker.

You like to take your time over making a decision.

That's as fast as my brain works. I'm not as bad as Rudi Koertzen.

What do you umpires talk about in the middle?

Usually it's about if we've spotted any good-looking women in the crowd. Some of the players are quite chatty. Whenever I see Irfan Pathan I ask him if he's still single and he asks if my daughter is still single. There was good banter between England and India this winter, with Kevin Pietersen and Yuvraj Singh having a gentle row about Beyoncé.

Do you have a nickname?

Some of the Indians call me Daryl No-Hair, in contrast with Darrell Hair. And some people have claimed I look like Bruce Willis. I wonder if he is ever stopped in the street and asked if he is really Daryl Harper?

What was it like to cover the Chennai Test after the Mumbai attacks?

It was the most remarkable game I've done, with a fairytale script as England had a strong grip and then Sachin made a hundred to take it from them. There was a very heavy security presence. I never had any concerns. We were well protected.

Glad to be back in the Caribbean?

I did my first Test in Guyana in 2002. I enjoy the music, the bands and drums, the laid-back way of life.

What are you reading?

I've got two on the go. Moneyball, on baseball, is a fascinating read. Vintcent van der Bijl, the ICC umpires and referees manager, lent it to me. And I've got something a bit more bloodthirsty about a mafia contract killer.