1. Having tea with Sourav Ganguly

Relations have been frosty since Ganguly’s less than triumphant spell with Lancashire in 2000, which Flintoff said was “like having Prince Charles on your side”. Now the Prince is even more of a pauper at Northamptonshire (first-class average yesterday morning: 3.80) and he has been dethroned by India. So he might be chuffed to be asked for some advice. And he is well placed to give it as the last visiting Test captain not to get thumped in Australia.

Since England were last there, Australia’s home record is a mildly alarming 17-1, and the one came when Ganguly’s team drew 1-1 in 2003-04. At Adelaide, Australia batted first, made 556, and lost. India scored almost as many and the Aussies then collapsed for 196 to the might of . . . Ajit Agarkar. Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath were both missing, but Ganguly will no doubt show that it was all down to inspired leadership.

2. Going to a hypnotist

A couple of sessions should do. Only one message needs to be drummed into Flintoff’s head: Do Not Bowl First At Brisbane. Well, maybe two: Do Not Give Yourself 50 Overs.

3. Reading The Art of Captaincy

Flintoff is a leader from the front rather than the cerebral type such as Mike Brearley. But a bit of brain went a long way last summer when Michael Vaughan ran rings round Ricky Ponting, and every captain should read Brearley’s masterclass in tactics, strategy, man-management and shameless kidology. It helped Nasser Hussain to turn the England team around, and it helped a village cricketer (S. A. Mendes, of Shipton-under-Wychwood) win an Oscar with his first film, American Beauty.

4. Finding an apartment in Sydney

Cricket tours are just one hotel room after another, which can be soul-destroying. Last time England won anything in Australia, in 1986-87, they spent their time in Sydney in serviced apartments, which were homelier for the visiting families and more real for the players. This time, England have four or five games in Sydney and one in nearby Canberra. So hit the web, Fred, and line up a nice pad for Rachael and the kids.

5. Bringing on an understudy

There’s only one Freddie Flintoff — unfortunately. Given the state of his ankle, England need at least two. The last attempt at a straight replacement was Rikki Clarke in 2003. Now 24, Clarke is in the England development squad, but the only people doing anything to develop him are Mark and Alan Butcher, who have used the Surrey vice-captaincy to convert his occasional flakiness into focus.

Duncan Fletcher should ask for Clarke to be excused a county game or two to work with Flintoff and the England bowling coach, Kevin Shine. He already has the explosive batting and the exceptional fielding. He even has a decent strike-rate with the ball (59); what he lacks is the ability to shackle good batsmen. Flintoff can give him a short course in pacy parsimony.

6. Hiring a scriptwriter

Flintoff creates his own drama, but in Australia an England captain needs a few one-liners to hurl at the crowds and the local press corps. Some of Britain’s wittiest people like cricket: Ian Hislop, Rory Bremner or Michael Palin would surely find time to have a drink with Fred and arm him with a few withering barbs. (Stephen Fry is a fan, too, but his gags might be a touch highbrow.) Flintoff has the chance to set off for Australia feeling equipped for the challenge mentally, intellectually and domestically. His only problem could be winning his place back.