MADRILENOS are a proud bunch, not given to getting all worked up about their famous new neighbours. Madridistas, as followers of el Real are known, are even more phlegmatic than the British and with more reason.

They have so many “cracks” playing for their club already that the news of David Beckham’s imminent arrival barely stirred the martini cocktails in Madrid’s emblematic El Chicote, a bar that has hosted Ernest Hemingway and the Hollywood Bratpack in the 1950s, when stars really were stars to the Spanish.

The smart money is on the Beckhams relocating to La Moraleja, an exclusive if rather tedious suburb favoured by footballers, diplomats and the wealthy. It has good pony and tennis facilities and is a swift drive by Ferrari to the Bernabéu.

As for nursery and primary schools for Brooklyn and Romeo, the English-language Numont School in Arturo Soria would probably fit the bill, but there’s also Runnymede College, the most English of Madrid’s international schools.

David might even take a leaf out of the book of Raúl, his new team-mate, and walk the children to school most mornings, although he might need a minder or two. Not that Madrid is notorious for muggers or kidnappers, it’s just that in a recent survey Beckham was second only to Brad Pitt as the sexual fantasy of most Spanish women. When he last played at the Bernabéu, he was mobbed by starstruck teenagers, most of whom didn’t even know which position he played.

With the children looked after, the parents will want to go shopping. Apart from the usual smattering of Chanel, Versace and Armani, Victoria will probably fall for the leather accessories of Spain’s own Loewe.

What Madrid lacks in charming old buildings, it more than makes up for in atmosphere and a way of living that, miraculously by the standards of other bustling capitals, refuses to conform. Lunch, for instance, is never eaten before two o’clock and dinner is served from ten in the evening. In between there are siesta and tapas to get through and after dinner David and Victoria can party until dawn most nights of the week, should they wish.

Madrileños enjoy staying up all night. In summer, with temperatures around 40C, it makes sense. The terraces of bars along the Castellana boulevard, south of the Bernabéu, are cool places to hang in all meanings of the word.

This golden couple should not have to worry too much about the burden of their celebrity status, either. Spain’s press tends to avoid scandal and is big on glamour.

Frankly, they are going to have a ball.

Explore Football

• Premier League

• Football League

• Scotland

• European Football

• International Football

• TheGame

• Live Match Tracker

• The Fink Tank

• Fantasy Football