THERE will be no ritualistic burning of the Hume season ticket over the David Beckham transfer. Becks maniacs are far rarer among Manchester United fans than they seem to be outside Old Trafford.

Beckham inhabits two worlds. In the fantasy world of our celebrity-obsessed media he is “the perfect man”, “our biggest celebrity since Diana”, “our young Prince Hamlet”, and without him “life will never be the same”. It is in this fantasy world that Beckham could be nominated as World Footballer of the Year.

However, in the world where most United fans live he is not seen as the best midfield player in Trafford Borough. You might see the odd banner hailing “Becks — King of the Cockneys” on stalls outside Old Trafford, but I have never spotted one inside. And while Beckham replica shirts are big in Japan, back home they are worn strictly as little girls’ blouses.

It is not that Reds such as me have anything against Beckham. Most recognise that he loves the club and gave him a good reception during his rather queenie “farewell” encores at the end of last season. We are simply not interested in his wife, his “lifestyle choices” or any of the stuff that obsesses the Becks maniacs. We could not care less about the hairstyles or the hairband, except that it confirms he has no intention of heading the ball. All that matters is what happens on the pitch. And that is where he is expendable.

Of course, Beckham is a hard-working player who can hit good crosses. But George Best’s assessment — no left foot, can’t head, can’t tackle, doesn’t score, otherwise he’s all right — still resonates. While Beckham has blossomed off the pitch, on it he appears to have stood still (despite all that frenetic running up and down). It seems a long time since the boy wonder scored from inside his own half, right in front of my seat at Selhurst Park. He did then what Pelé could not do in his pomp. Yet it seems ridiculous now to speak of Beckham in the same breath.

Paul Scholes is more dangerous, Ryan Giggs more exciting, Juan Sebastián Verón classier, Roy Keane more of a leader. As for those free kicks that made Beckham’s reputation, he scored one out of 19 attempts (the last one) in the Premiership last season. Ruud van Nistelrooy has scored that many penalties in a row.

If Beckham’s talents are overestimated elsewhere, there is a tendency to undervalue them at Old Trafford. Many fans agreed with Sir Alex Ferguson leaving Beckham on the bench against Real Madrid in the second leg of the European Cup quarter-final — a mad decision in such a game — because they share the manager’s sentimental blind spot about the loyal journeyman, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

The moment that United supporters did rally round Beckham was in 1998, after his sending-off in the World Cup finals against Argentina, when everybody else wanted to lynch him. He repaid them with his best season as United won the treble. Since his erstwhile persecutors turned into fawning fans, however, fewer United supporters feel any such compunction to defend him to the death.

The Beckham starring in this transfer circus is the celebrity role model and style icon. What we need at United are football heroes. In a selfpromotional interview on television in the United States, Beckham revealed the gap between the world he inhabits with his wife and the one in which he plies his trade. “I always wanted to be a famous footballer,” he said, “and Victoria always wanted to be famous.” Spot the difference. The boy wanted to be recognised for doing something real, not as a false god worshipped by fools.

Still, I wish Beckham all the best at Real, at least until they beat us in the European Cup again — and until he returns to play for Arsenal or Chelsea in a couple of years, having failed to settle in Spain. (He will not be coming back to United so long as Ferguson is there — which means never.)

While the Becks maniacs suffer withdrawal symptoms, our interest is purely in who replaces him. With or without Beckham, United lack the raw excitement of the Cantona years. Whether fancy dans such as Harry Kewell or Ronaldinho can fill the gap remains open to doubt.

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