It was the most important team talk of my managerial career. OK, it was the only team talk of my managerial career, but still, there was a cup at stake. So it was only the Craggy Island five-a-side cup at the Friends of Ted festival that celebrates the 1990s comedy Father Ted, but silverware is silverware.

We looked physically stronger than them. I decided that we would leave one man up front at all times. I instructed the goalkeeper to release the ball quickly so that we could catch them on the break. A 3-1 formation was the way to go and frequent use of rolling substitutions would help to tire the opposition. We had three on the bench, they had none. Sand murders the legs.

“Lads, this is my managerial debut,” I told them. “I don’t want a defeat on my CV — I might never manage again.” Then came a flash of inspiration. “Look, I’ll buy you each a pint if we win.”

The sight of a milkfloat filled with shouting nuns and priests coming down the hill towards the beach was the cue for kick-off. Inspired by my motivational technique, Inis Mor powered to a 2-0 win over Inis Oirr. Managed by John Aldridge, who has coaching experience, they had been the favourites.

But at showpiece occasions, it’s all about coping with pressure. And the conditions — in this case, the dog in a corner of the pitch that spent the match digging up a bone it had buried.

So my record as manager of five-a-side beach football teams on remote Irish islands is second to none. Are you watching, Wenger and Mourinho? Not that I was watching them on Sunday because my final clashed with their minor event in Cardiff.

I had mentioned this fact to someone that morning at the end of the choppy 45-minute ferry ride from Galway to Inis Mor as the pitch — the beach, littered with abandoned fishing boats — came into view. “If we have it any later, the tide will come in,” I was told.

It was the start of one of the strangest days of my life. The match was one of the highlights of the first Friends of Ted festival and the cup was played to settle a dispute between the islands about which deserves to be the spiritual home of the television series. Inis Mor’s claim is based on the fact that it announced the plan for the festival while Inis Oirr insist that its claim is stronger because some shots from the series were filmed there.

From the way the tackles flew in, this is a matter of genuine pride to the locals.

Hundreds of Father Ted fans descended on the tiny place, which has a population of about 800. It was madness. Everywhere you looked, people were dressed as nuns and priests.

I will cherish my prize, a wooden plaque with a picture of Dermot Morgan, the actor who played Father Ted on it. The VIP treatment “Aldo” and I received was great — it reminded us of our heyday in the Ireland team. We reflected on our journey: from the World Cup finals to the Craggy Island cup final in less than 13 years. “You should have been here last night, Tony,” someone said. “We had Hide a Nun and Seek.”

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