Sports Calendar

“Okay,” I say. “What did you make of the punditry on ITV for the Liverpool-Chelsea game on Tuesday night?” He pauses to think. Terry Venables is a friend of long standing; Michael Owen is a player he has admired for years; Gabby Logan is a very nice person; ITV are potential employers.

“I thought it was embarrassing,” he says. “You could have got an ice-cream salesman from the street who supports Arsenal, dragged him from his van and put him on instead and he would have done a better job. That may be a bit severe, but it’s my honest opinion.”

“Just testing,” I smile. “You’ve passed.”

“Thanks very much.”

“And what about Rodney Marsh? What about the suggestion that we’re never going to see him on BBC because he’s not serious enough?” “I’d agree with you,” he says. “I think that’s a very valid point. Peter Schmeichel is a BBC pundit but they could put a parking meter next to Alan Hansen and I’d find it more interesting watching it click round. Now that may be harsh, but if that’s what the BBC want, then good luck to them.”

“But you’d prefer to be entertained?” “I’m speaking as a punter who sits in front of the telly at home. What I don’t want to hear is, ‘Well he’s a little bit unfortunate’ or ‘They’re working their socks off’ or ‘He won’t be happy with that’ or any of that b******s.

“When Kanu missed an open goal from four yards (for West Brom against Middlesbrough last November) I went ballistic. ‘What a prat! How could he miss that?’ Because that’s what you’d say if you were watching it in a pub. You wouldn’t turn to your mate and say, ‘Well that was unfortunate.’ Because you’re not unfortunate when you miss a chance like that — you’re useless!” “You believe in calling it as you see it?” “Absolutely.”

“It’s not a performance?” “No.”

“Because that would be a reservation people would have about you. They’d say: ‘Typical Rodney, always playing to the gallery’.”

“I don’t care. That’s their loss. I can only be me. People have said to me that I have to be more viewer-friendly and appreciate what they are seeing but I don’t. I have to be true to myself. I have to be me. I watch people waffling all the time, colleagues of mine, and think, ‘What are you actually saying?’ A great example: about five years ago, we’re talking on Soccer Saturday about Bradford and Jeff Stelling (the presenter) has asked Frank (McLintock) or somebody a question and I said: ‘Look, let’s cut this short, Bradford are useless. They are the worst team in the Premier League.’

“A few days later I get a call from Geoffrey Richmond, the Bradford chairman. He says: ‘Rodney, I can’t believe you said that on Saturday. How could you say that we’re useless? We’ve only played 12 games!’ “I said, ‘Geoffrey, it’s true. You are useless. You’re going to get relegated and I don’t see anything to suggest you can turn it around.’ And then he says, ‘Will you come up and have dinner with me?’ I said, ‘Sure.’

So he takes me to an Indian restaurant and we talk football for five hours and in the end he says, ‘Rodney, it’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it’.”

Explore Football

• Premier League

• Football League

• Scotland

• European Football

• International Football

• TheGame

• Live Match Tracker

• The Fink Tank

• Fantasy Football