1 Gregory Coupet’s flounce (2006) Ooh la la. Coupet got himself into a tizz when he was told that Fabien Barthez would be France’s No 1. “This could make me bitter,” he said, bitterly. Good as his word, Coupet bitterly drove off last week after Barthez was helped off a mountain complaining about a poorly calf (the muscle, rather than a distressed animal). After half an hour, Coupet returned. “He lost his head,” shrugged coach Raymond Domenech. “That happens.”

2 Roy Keane’s tirade (2002) Distressed at flying cattle class, at the bumpy pitches at training in South Korea and at Mick McCarthy’s playing record, Keane explained his position at length and loudly before the Ireland team, then went home to walk his dog.

3 Jean-Francois Larios’s adieu (1982) The French: so much love to give, so few to share it with. In 1982 midfielder Larios left the France camp after rumours surfaced that he was having an affair with the wife of Michel Platini. Of course, had Platini been having an affair with Madame Larios, he would still have been sent home.

4 Holland’s squabbles (every tournament except 1938) Hard to know where to start: Ruud Gullit walking out of USA 1998? Johan Cruyff taking a cigarette break at half-time at the 1974 final? Anything to do with Edgar Davids? The racial divide that has bedevilled them for the past 20 years? Hard to imagine it finishing, too.

5 Paul Gascoigne’s room re-arrangement (1998) Never one for stoicism, Paul Gascoigne wept when Glenn Hoddle told him he wouldn’t be going to France ’98. Alas, Hoddle had summoned an “emotional” Gascoigne. Once those tears subsided, he trashed his room so vehement- ly, Hoddle thought he was next. Perish the thought.

6 Russia’s mutiny (1994) The players of the former Soviet Union were far from happy at the idiosyncratic reign of coach Pavel Sadyrin. The Russian FA pointed out they wouldn’t have grumbled in Stalin’s day. Ringleaders Andrei Kanchelskis, Igor Shalimov and Igor Kolyvanov were dropped for USA 1994.

7 Stefan Effenberg’s finger (1994) As they watched their team labour in the Dallas heat against South Korea, the German fans jeered their side (which was already riven by bickering). Effenberg, the least sorry of a sorry bunch, raised his middle finger in their direction as he was substituted. He was soon familiarising himself with Lufthansa’s timetables.

. 8 Jesper Gronkjaer’s blubbing (2002) All-round hardman Stig Tofting was not one to be messed with. Clearly, Jesper Gronkjaer did the sensible thing by bursting into tears when he had ice cubes put down his shorts at Denmark’s South Korean training camp. The subsequent brawl between Gronkjaer and Tofting was watched by the Danish press corps and ended with Tofting almost strangling his teammate.

9 Andy Goram’s afternoon pints (1998) Nobody ever called Scotland goalkeeper Andy Goram lissom. They never called him bright, either, so instead of climaxing a glorious career at France 98, he watched Scotland crash out as he drank at the Jaggy Thistle pub in Blackpool. Goram had walked out of the team’s New York training camp after a slew of tabloid allegations over his private life.

10 Srecko Katanec’s tears (2002) After Slovenia coach Srecko Katanec substituted star player Zlatko Zahovic against Spain, the two clashed angrily. Afterwards, Katanec sobbed at the injustice of it all and promised to resign after the tournament. Zahovic was sent home. A few days later Slovenia followed him, pointless.

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