A MAN FAMOUS FOR producing magic in front of large audiences has thrust himself back into the spotlight by climbing into a tank.

The nation has been gripped on a daily basis as Blaine Rooney makes a desperate attempt to achieve his unlikely dream.

All England supporters were distraught when they heard that Blaine Rooney had entered the chamber in in an attempt to raise his profile back to previous levels.

Hopes of an enjoyable summer had hinged almost entirely on the American not appearing on our television screens, but the worst happened last week. It is now hoped that the venture will give him sufficient exposure to satisfy his ambitions and persuade him to retire.

A spokesman explained the reasons for the stunt. “Blaine Rooney decided to do this in order to gain the oxygen of publicity,” he said. “It is his last chance of recovering celebrity. If successful, it is expected that he will leave the limelight and spend a quiet summer in Germany.”

Blaine Rooney has long amazed the country with his exploits. He shot to prominence with his “starvation” stunt, in which he lasted for three hours without eating a Big Mac.

He also performed his “chameleon” stunt when, having announced “once a blue, always a blue”, he miraculously drove 30 miles down the road and turned into a red.

But his most remarkable feat came when he launched a volley of abuse at David Beckham during a match and then spent seven days submerged in hot water as he held his breath awaiting possible discipline.

Despite his success, Blaine Rooney has been dogged by accusations that he is a poor role model for youngsters. Teachers have complained that his irritatingly pretentious drawl sets a bad example for children with language problems, while some of his ruses are dangerous.

A critic said: “He gives the impression on television that it is safe to clap a referee sarcastically, yet anyone else who tries this is likely to receive a punch in the face.”

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