Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger has denied making an offer for West Ham striker Jermain Defoe, but has revealed that the England Under-21 international will be in his sights ahead of next season. ‘Defoe is one of the targets, yes,’ said Wenger yesterday, before scoffing over reports that he had already submitted a bid. ‘The valuation is £8m and I would have offered £5m?’ he asked, having seen the article. ‘That’s not true. I have offered nothing for Defoe as we were not in for him. I like him as a player but I think West Ham cannot let him go now.’ Wenger has declared that he wants to save his present transfer kitty of £10m to add to next season’s to form a £20m war chest.

Secret agent on commission

Making the wrong decision can lose you a game as a player or your job as a manager. Is there anybody immune from football’s fickle fortune? Apparently. Pini Zahavi is the man entrusted with Roman’s roubles at Chelsea, the players’ agent having become new owner Abramovich’s Mr Fixit: name a player and he’ll broker the deal. It’s a role familiar to the Israeli millionaire. Just before Abramovich’s arrival, Zahavi was enlisted by Chelsea to arrange the transfer of Charlton’s Scott Parker at a fee in the region of £5m. So sure was Parker of the move that he bought a new car on the back of receiving a bumper sign-on fee. But when Abramovich appeared on the scene, Zahavi advised Chelsea to hang fire. After all, why buy a young English midfielder for £5m when you can have the choice of the world’s finest at any price? After a subsequently fruitless search, Chelsea have renewed their interest in Parker, only the player has recently pledged his loyalty to Charlton by signing a new long-term contract so his price has doubled to £10m. The man given the task of bartering the best deal for Chelsea? Step forward, Pini Zahavi.

Magic performance at home from Frome

Minor League side Frome Town introduced an important new player to their line-up last Tuesday for a home game against Paulton Rovers: a white witch by the name of Titania Hardie. Club spokesman Ian Pearce explains: ‘We’re quite successful as a team and have scored goals by the dozen but can’t score goals at home, so we thought maybe there is a curse on the pitch.’ Enter Hardie. ‘She walked on to the pitch and waved her hands around and then she talked to the players,’ said Pearce. The Somerset team lost 2-1. Undetterred, Hardie has plans for the next home game. ‘I might do pep talks, a cleansing ritual or maybe some kind of charm,’ she said.

James head of communications at Manchester City

Last Wednesday afternoon, Manchester City manager Kevin Keegan was delighted to confirm the £1.5m signing of England goalkeeper David James from West Ham. ‘I didn't want another foreign player,’ said Keegan. ‘I wanted someone who could communicate with the back four.’ That evening, James watched his new teammates beat Leicester City 3-1 in an FA Cup tie. Man City’s back four was: David Sommeil (born in Guadeloupe), Sylvain Distin (France), Richard Dunne (Ireland) and Michael Tarnat (Germany). Don’t forget the phrase book David.

West Ham United FC up for sale on eBay

Internet auction website eBay was offering the West Ham United FC Squad Up For Sale last week. ‘Seller’, greedy.terence.brown, a play on the chairman’s name, received bids up to £10m before eBay cottoned on to the hoax and removed the page

Quote of the week

‘Come on, let’s get women to play in different and more feminine garb than the men. Tighter shorts for example’ — Fifa president Sepp Blatter gets worked up about women’s football.

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