Graphic: Keeping up appearances

If, heaven forbid, Croatia score at Wembley tomorrow, Peter Crouch, the England striker, will be called upon to do something that has eluded him in his international career: get one back against a decent team. This may appear a harsh judgment of a player who has scored a highly creditable 13 goals in 23 matches for his country, but even Crouch concedes that he is without a defining moment in an England shirt.

Like Colin Montgomerie searching for his first golf major, or Frankie Dettori waiting 15 years for his victorious Derby ride, Crouch knows that he will never convince those who doubt his ability without scoring against credible international opposition. The nearest he has come was on September 6 last year, in Skopje, where he scored the only goal against the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. Take that result away and England would need to beat, not draw with, Croatia tomorrow so it is hardly insignificant. But, even so, few bragging rights can be claimed for outwitting the defence of a team ranked 75th in the world.

A list of Crouch’s victims is an A-Z of the “not so great” and the “no flaming good”. It includes Trinidad & Tobago (ranked No 78), Estonia (No 130) and Andorra (No 173) in competitive matches, plus Greece (No 14), Uruguay (No 17), Hungary (No 48), Austria (No 88) and Jamaica (No 103) in friendly games.

Expert View

McClaren may say that he is still learning. I would say that he is still making mistakes yet he is hardly new to the job

Tony Cascarino

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BACKGROUND

• Robinson suffers crisis of confidence

• Crouch must respond to taller orders

• England’s case for the defence

• Fail or succeed, McClaren must go

BACKGROUND

• Ever-changing world of England line-ups

• Beckham the man Croats fear most

• Cole ‘rewards’ Israeli team-mate

• Pearce aims to show seniors how it is done

Related Links

• Robinson suffers crisis of confidence

• Beckham the man Croats fear most

• Ever-changing world of England line-ups

“I can’t pick and choose who I play,” Crouch said. “Of course, I would have liked to score the goals that Michael Owen has scored, to be remembered like that, doing it in massive games in the World Cup - or scoring a goal like David Beckham did against Greece in 2001. The fact is, there have not been many opportunities to do so in the matches that I’ve played.”

This is not entirely true. A goal from Crouch would not have gone amiss the night England lost 2-0 in Zagreb, where he started and lasted 72 minutes up front with Wayne Rooney. And nobody would have minded had he popped up with one in the World Cup quarter-final against Portugal when he played 65 minutes, including extra time, as a substitute and did not even take part in the penalty shoot-out.

More recently, had Crouch claimed a late equaliser when introduced with 11 minutes remaining against Russia in Moscow, the match against Croatia tomorrow would be irrelevant. So there have been chances to write headlines and alter history, and because a list of the countries Crouch has not scored against includes six of the top ten – Argentina, Brazil, Germany, Spain, Portugal and Croatia – that will continue to count against him in any reckoning. An honest man, as well as an honest player, he admits that this is his biggest chance to affect change.

“It is, yes,” he said. “It is exciting for all of the players. Anyone who is picked could be the hero that puts England through, particularly me, being the striker. It is the sort of thing you dream of. I haven’t had the chance to play in a defining match, one that gets us to a final, but Wednesday is my opportunity and I am sure I’ll be capable of doing it.

“There is a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, but I feel I have played enough games to accept it and I’m very proud of my goalscoring record.”

Yet when asked what he thought he would be remembered for in an England shirt, he laughed in forlorn resignation. “What, apart from a silly dance?” he said.

Crouch knows that to be approaching a quarter of a century of caps and still be most famous for imitating a cyborg as a goal celebration, does his international career, not to mention his ability, a disservice. In football’s modern climate, as a 6ft 7in target man with good feet, he has a lot going for him. The game has changed. No longer is the prime demand of all strikers 20 goals in each season; the wider contribution to team play is all. It is an irony that when Crouch went through a prolonged barren spell with Liverpool he had the support of Rafael BenÍtez, the manager, and now, with a far superior scoring record, he appears out of favour.

On the teamsheet against Croatia tomorrow night, Crouch looks comfortable in the role of front man not because he can be decisive, like Owen, but because his intelligent control and use of the ball with his back to goal brings England’s midfield goalscorers into play. It will be his duty to hold the ball up and link with Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and Joe Cole, a job that Owen could not do. McClaren’s intention is to play some form of five-man midfield – one of 4-1-4-1, 4-5-1 or 4-3-3 – and each blueprint requires a player with Crouch’s physical presence and selflessness.

A quick look through the Barclays Premier League sees Crouch-like figures at Arsenal (Emmanuel Adebayor) and Chelsea (Didier Drogba). Even Rooney has been called upon to lead the line in this fashion by Manchester United. If Owen’s injury problems continue, it may be the way forward for England all the way to the finals next summer.

“There was a time when I thought the target man had been abolished, there were so few of us around,” Crouch said. “Recently, we have made a bit of a comeback and there are quite a few players similar to myself in the Premier League and in Europe. I have always thought there was a place for us in the game because if you are good enough, it does not matter what style you play. You look at Drogba, who has been fantastic for the last few seasons. And it is not easy. Anyone would say playing up there is harder when you are on your own because with a partner you share the workload. But when I do it for Liverpool, if there is someone like Steven Gerrard bombing on, it certainly helps.”

Perhaps that is why elements of Crouch’s story are deceptive. The record shows that he did not score against Argentina, but not that his arrival as a substitute so unsettled the opposing defence that England scored twice and won. And yes, if he does not score against Croatia, Crouch will remain the proud conqueror of lowly Macedonia. But if England qualify, is that so bad? For an apparent underachiever, there are worse places to be than the European Championship finals.