So, another big international tournament is upon us. But despite having had a blast tearing around the Motherland and going to loads of games during the World Cup in 2006, I’m going to be far, far away from football this time.

It was a pretty intense season for me at Fulham, so I’m off for a break. I won’t tell you where, but it’s the kind of place where the last thing you’d want to do is pick up a remote control and turn on the box to watch a football match. And no, my German flag Afro wig won’t be in the suitcase . . .

That said, I’m sure it’ll be a great couple of weeks over there in Austria and Switzerland. But the big question is, who are you lot going to support in the absence of England? It’s not like you can even fall back on cheering on the Oirish, is it?

Now, this may not come as a surprise, but I reckon you should bury the hatchet, let bygones be bygones and get behind good old Deutschland. And here’s why:

1. Style . . .

The further the Motherland gets in the competition, the longer our fans will be there and the more opportunity you English will have to pick up some much-needed style tips from them. The sock’n’sandal combos will be out in force, not to mention the mullets and moustaches, which I know you all admire so much.

2. You owe us . . .

For starters, the only time you won anything was because we let you. You know deep down inside that that ball never crossed the line in 1966. And although we’ve had our own back a few times since, you should still be grateful. And what’s more, if it wasn’t for us you wouldn’t have a fantastic new national stadium — after we beat you at Wembley a few years ago, you had to rip down the old one just to erase the memory.

3. We have a great footballing relationship . . .

Some of the greatest players ever to fight for the cause of the Motherland have been English: Stuart Pearce, Chris Waddle, Gareth Southgate — all legends back home.

Aside from Germany, I guess I want to see the Dutch do well too. I’m glad my mate Edwin van der Sar won the Champions League, but I’d love to see him go on and do something special with Holland as it’s the only thing missing for him. A Germany versus Holland final would be a real ding-dong.

But in order for Edwin and the gang even to think about the knockout stages they’ve got to compete with France and Italy to get out of group C, which is definitely the group of death this summer.

I hope the Italians stumble. I’m still smarting from the World Cup semi-final a couple of years ago when they beat the Motherland. And I still hold my friend Patch responsible — as soon as he turned up to watch the game at my place with some Peroni beers I knew we’d lose. Why couldn’t he just have bought Becks?

As for dark horses, I can’t see any. Even though Greece are the holders, I can’t see them causing too many problems. But they have a German manager in Otto Rehhagel, so don’t rule them out. He was a hero of mine as a kid and it’s pretty much down to him that Greece are champions. He’s up there with Zeus in the eyes of the Greek public.

But while I won’t be at the Euros in person, I will be there in spirit after I was approached to donate my legendary World Cup 2006 Panini sticker album (completed and signed by Roger Milla, no less) to a Euro 2008 exhibition in Austria. I willingly obliged, of course.

Just as well they don’t sell sticker albums in the middle of the Pacific Ocean — now there’s a temptation I’d never be able to resist. Now, where did I put that Piña Colada . . .