THIS was a derby all right, the sort that donkeys take part in. An evening that will not be recalled for its services to enlightened football, or for a surfeit of passion and commitment, concluded with Newcastle United sharing a tame goalless draw with their North East rivals. Neither they nor Middlesbrough could claim to have deserved it; this was worthy of a points deduction.

After five defeats in succession, Newcastle at least averted total freefall, although the extent of their recovery is bound to be tested more forcibly this weekend by a Crystal Palace team raging against relegation. With a Uefa Cup place to secure, Middlesbrough bizarrely chose to play within themselves and the spectacle withered for it.

Until Charles N’Zogbia fired a shot over the bar in the later moments, scoring chances had been as rare a species as good news at St James’ Park and it was hardly surprising that another volley of jeers greeted the final whistle. Teessiders celebrated their team’s achievement with gusto, but it must have been tempered by the realisation that Newcastle’s woe had not been fully exploited.

While parochial skirmishes are seldom conducive to sporting excellence, this was a particularly ragged example of a mongrel breed. Both teams had been weakened by a desperate string of injuries — Newcastle must now cope without Kieron Dyer for the remainder of the season — but that was scarcely an explanation for such a profound display of witless passing and misuse of possession.

There is, however, an election on and Graeme Souness and Steve McClaren should be commended for their devotion to the party line. “We were the better team tonight,” the Newcastle manager said. “We had the better chances and we bossed it.” His counterpart read from a similar script. “We looked a very good team,” McClaren argued.

The loss of Dyer, who had been rated at 70 per cent fit before kick-off, after 35 minutes did not help Newcastle’s momentum and Souness does not want him to be involved in England’s imminent tour to the United States. “He thinks he’s damaged his hamstring properly and if that’s the case, we’re not going to see him again,” Souness said. “I’d prefer it if he didn’t go.”

In the absence of anything more substantive to cheer, chants of “Souness, he’s gonna take you down” were soon echoing around the stadium, although on that front there were comforting words for the manager in Freddy Shepherd’s programme notes. “Graeme Souness knows what he wants on the team front and we will back him as we did with (Sir) Bobby Robson,” the chairman wrote.

There were hints of a more glittering reward for Middlesbrough when Ray Parlour drove down the right flank and Szilard Nemeth fizzed a shot narrowly wide of the left post. There was another when Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink attempted to shape a lob over Shay Given but succeeded only in lifting the ball into the goalkeeper’s grateful arms. McClaren called those “glorious” chances, which was a relative concept.

There was a minor response from Newcastle — “we actually tried to win”, Souness observed — when N’Zogbia directed a James Milner corner into the side-netting, but adrenalin remained in short supply. It peaked when Milner went close in the 74th minute with a vicious volley that Brad Jones excelled in pushing away and rose again when N’Zogbia spurned an open net in the final seconds.

Newcastle’s deep capacity for the ludicrous had been highlighted by Shepherd issuing a statement on the club’s official website clarifying that Alan Shearer had not threatened to “knock seven bells” out of Craig Bellamy over the abusive text messages the Wales forward had allegedly sent his erstwhile team-mate. Absurd just about covers it.

NEWCASTLE UNITED (4-1-4-1): S Given — P Ramage, J-A Boumsong, A O’Brien, R Elliott — S Carr — J Milner, D Ambrose, C N’Zogbia, K Dyer (sub: F Ameobi, 35min) — A Shearer. Substitutes not used: S Harper, P Kluivert, L Robert, M Brittain. Booked: Ambrose.

MIDDLESBROUGH (4-4-2): B Jones — A Davies, U Ehiogu, G Southgate, F Queudrue — R Parlour, G Boateng, Doriva, B Zenden (sub: S Downing, 65) — J F Hasselbaink, S Nemeth (sub: D Graham, 83). Substitutes not used: M Reiziger, D Wheater, D Knight. Booked: Hasselbaink.

Referee: M Halsey.